Satan’s Secret Trap

Satan has a secret weapon that he uses to defeat Christians. Through it, he steals joy and peace, stir up anger and strife, destroys friendships and marriages, as well as spoiling our witness. It’s a hidden trap.

Image result for image of a gavel It isn’t really a secret because God warns us against it. But because we aren’t alert to the danger, it sneaks up and drags us down without us even being aware that we are in bondage.

That secret weapon is judgment. We get caught in the trap because when something isn’t right we recognize it as wrong, unfair, dishonest, selfish, evil, or any other number of things. Consequently, we judge the person involved.

We’re often right in our judgment, but wrong in our judging—because it isn’t our place to judge another person. It’s God’s. When we judge, we get between the other person and God, making it harder for Him to get their attention and correct them.

(As a parent, how many times has one of your children made it difficult to effectively discipline another one, because the first one made such a ruckus about the offense that they got in the way? We do the same thing when we judge.)

Matthew records Jesus’ words, “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you” (Matt. 7:1-2).

Invading God’s space and acting as judge is bad enough, but a relationship becomes really tense when the person you are judging turns and judges you back. You feel the edge, react in judgment, and tension escalates.

The pressure and contention spiral upward while the friendship spirals downward and an evil-for-evil relationship unfolds. Before you realize what’s happening, you find yourself lacking joy and peace, especially when you think of that particular person.

Even more alarming, judging often spreads. Once it takes root, it invades another relationship and then another, until unpleasant undertones, if not conflicts, develop with several of your close friends or acquaintances.

If you’ve been wondering what happened to once healthy friendships, take note of the signs that judgment may have caught you in its trap.

Signs of judgment:

You are easily irritated by a person, or quick to get angry.
You have a negative, critical attitude when you think about them.
You quickly see what they do wrong, and are slow to appreciate the good in them.
There is tension in the relationship. You feel guarded around them, as if walking on pins and needles to not offend.
It seems that nothing is good enough. You can’t seem to please them.
Trust in the relationship has been broken and you no longer like the person.
You have an evil-for-evil relationship, with quick negative reactions to small slights or misunderstandings.

Even if you have tried hard to act righteously and hide your negative thoughts and emotions, if you are experiencing several things in the list, you are likely guilty of judging another. If so, even your best efforts at responding correctly likely sound hollow and insincere.

If a friend tells you that have mumps, but they have little red spots a Image result for image of measles ll over their body it doesn’t matter what they tell you, if you spend the day with them, you’ll get the measles, not the mumps. They may tell you a different story and try to hide the truth, but you can see through the words.

In like manner, the negative feelings that we try to hide by using gracious words are more visible to others than we realize. When we judge, it can be felt, and we will be judged in return.

Matthew goes on to say,

³ “And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, `Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye?

⁵ “Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye (Matt. 7:1-5).

The first step in overcoming judgment is to deal with your own heart. Ask God to search your heart and show you any unrighteousness that is lurking within.

Your joy and peace is not dependent on another person and cannot be destroyed by them. Clearing up your own heart and getting yourself right with God is necessary before joy and peace return, and certainly necessary before any effort with the other person will be fruitful.

Next week, I will give some steps toward forgiving the person and getting rid of the bitterness. In the meantime, don’t give the enemy permission to steal your joy and peace and ransack your relationships.

Jesus Christ has defeated Satan. Through Him we can reign in life, enjoying righteousness, peace, and joy, free from the destruction of bitterness.

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The story of my struggle with bitterness and how I overcame it is available through the free e-book, The Judgment Trap, available for download in the side bar at the top of the page.

How to Have Peace and Joy at Christmas

“Tis the season to be jolly,” or so the Christmas song goes. I enjoy decking the halls, but prefer thinking of Christmas as the season of peace and joy. Jolly is good, but it reminds me of Santa, and I’m not trying to be like Santa. Life is not always jolly.

Jesus is the Prince of Peace, and in Him we can have joy even when we’re not jolly.

However, I’ve already been reminded that Christmas is also the season of clashes in relationships due to stress, tension, and long to-do lists. This year the season is complicated because we are in the midst of transition in our house. As we clean out closets and drawers to move our living space from one part of the house to another, everything is in chaos, and our to-do list involves a lot more than Christmas.

In the last couple of days, I’ve been on the giving and the receiving end of responses that were far from peace and joy, much less jolly. They were impatient and unkind, not the scene pictured on Christmas cards.

A sharp tone is a natural (fleshly) response when additional stress is added to a tense situation. It’s not desirable any time of the year. Jesus said, our “mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart” (Matt. 12:34). Consequently, if we want to avoid harsh words, biting our tongues will have limited effect. We need to tend to our hearts if we want to control our mouths.

Our house isn’t in order yet and we’ve done very little to prepare for Christmas. Yesterday, I finally took the fall decoration off the front door and put out a nativity scene, but our to-do list is still overwhelming. But, in spite of the list, I want to enjoy a season of peace and joy, not one of impatience and strife.

I determined that I have to be pro-active if that desire is fulfilled. I need to deal with my heart daily—and throughout each day. I’m suspicious I’m not the only one with the problem, so I’m sharing my insights on how to “manage” my heart in the midst of stress. So far, they are working.

I realized that as a result of high demands for my time and energy, I’ve been attacking the day in high gear, racing to get everything done. As a result, I’ve charged ahead in my own strength. Consequently, I’ve left God out and have thus missed out on His grace—His strength, joy, and peace. I need to realign my heart so I can receive from Him. I can’t expect to walk in the strength of the Lord while running through life as if everything depends on me.

1. First, I need to acknowledge my problem and confess my stress, sharp voice, sinful nature, inadequacies, doubts, fears, and . . ..

2. I need to submit to God and give Him my day, my stress, my to-do list, and the demanding people around me—i.e. anyone and everyone who requires time and attention can seem like a demand if it is a distraction from our agenda, even if they are gracious about their needs.

3. I need to acknowledge my need and ask for God to work in and through me, to guide my day, direct my path, give me grace. I need to let Him reign in my heart, so He will maintain joy and peace within.

Basically, it’s a matter of letting Jesus back on the throne in my heart. He is the Prince of Peace. Where He reigns, there is peace and joy.

The fruit of His Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Gal. 5:22). If I let His Spirit rule in my heart, I shouldn’t have any problem with impatient or harsh responses.

I’d like to hear from you. How do you maintain a pure heart and gracious spirit when under stress?

If You Don’t Talk It Out, You Just Might Act It Out

I’ve had a busy, stressful few weeks. For years, Robert and I have been care-takers of his elderly father. He was once a hard working, fruitful missionary. In two years, he moved from independent to being totally dependent on others for everything. Recently, weakness, instability, and confusion marked further rapid decline.

It has also increased our responsibility, stress, and fatigue. Our sleep was interrupted nightly, and we had to be alert twenty-four hours a day.

Last Tuesday morning we got a report that he probably wouldn’t last until morning. Family traveled in from other states to be with him. Finally, Wednesday night his hopes were realized when he met his Savior and Lord face to face.

As we waited for the end, our house was filling up with out-of-state relatives. Stress mounted with added responsibilities, decisions, distractions, and commotion. Our relatives pitch in and help and are congenial and considerate. They are a huge blessing and I couldn’t ask for better kin or better help.

I mean, really. I didn’t have to prepare meals, clean, or determine who was going to sleep where. They took care of many of my responsibilities.

But my stress built anyway. Consequently, inwardly I was reacting negatively to their sacrificial service. I wasn’t ugly, but neither was I warm and appreciative. My answers were short. My attitude stank. I wanted to be alone.

I felt I needed space—desperately.

That night, I confessed to my husband—even though he was one of the ones I was reacting to. I could see that my reactions were not realistic, that their service was out of hearts of love, and was also very much needed by me.

I understood and was grateful, but I also reacted negatively—until I confessed.

When I got it off my chest, my whole attitude changed. I became truly grateful and joyful. The Lord’s grace and strength were amazing the rest of the week.

But all I did to turn things around was talk about my struggle. I confessed.

Richard McAfee, a dear pastor and friend, often said, “If you talk it out, you don’t have to act it out.”

It took less than five minutes to talk it out because I already knew I was being unreasonable. But it made all the difference in the world.

Those few minutes changed my attitude. And more. It alerted Robert and he was particularly sensitive and caring the following days. In the midst of a stressful situation, that’s a precious gift.

Without that short conversation with Robert, I would have been tied in knots all weekend. However, because I talked it out, I didn’t have to act it out.

Instead, I was constantly amazed, even overwhelmed by the mercy and grace of God as He gave us strength and provided through loving family and friends.

Sometimes, the easiest way to solve relational problems is to nip them in the bud before they develop. Bringing internal struggles to the surface allows you to sort them out before they are expressed in cutting words or a disastrous explosion.

If you see trouble coming, you don’t have to act it out. Instead, look for an opportunity to talk it out.

Robert & Kay Camenisch encouraging and equipping relationships