Don’t Fight Anger Alone

Are you working on anger management so you won’t hurt or offend those you love? That’s good. I’m glad you are sensitive to the damage that anger causes in relationships. I’m also grateful you’re taking responsibility to try to do something about it.

But if you’re trying to manage your anger, I question how much your efforts are helping.

What tactics do you use? Have you made commitments to change? Do you count to ten before you say something in response? Or take a deep breath before proceeding?

None of those are bad. In fact, they might help occasionally, but they all fall short. Your tendency to anger remains and you erupt again.

If anger is destroying your life and relationships, you need to move beyond anger management and work instead to get rid of it. God says to put it away, not manage it (Eph. 4:31).

Putting it away is difficult because anger flows from the heart. In order to put it away, transformation is needed. With anger management, you will see little, if any, real change. Focusing on external tactics deals with external actions, but it fails to change the source of the problem. If your heart remains unchanged, you will grow weary from the struggle.

Heart change comes from God. If you want to overcome bondage to anger, the place to start is to seek God. Seek His salvation and deliverance. Cry out to Him to change your heart.

Then submit to God and cooperate with Him in the process of change. Instead of focusing on not being angry, draw close to the Lord, focus on Him and His Word. Let His strength be known in your weakness (2 Cor. 12:9, Eph. 4:13).

Change your tactics. Instead of fighting anger, work to be more Christ-like.

Some keys to overcome anger:

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul and mind and strength. If you are operating out of love for God, your grief when you disappoint the Lord by an angry outburst will motivate you to change. (Mark 12:30)
Love your neighbor as yourself. When you become angry at someone, check your actions and your heart according to 1 Corinthians 13. You’ll find that you fail the love test when you are angry. Love your neighbor (spouse, co-worker, teen, . . .) more, you will become angry less. (Mark 12:31)
Ask the Lord for self-control. It is a gift of the spirit. Self-control is good, but if it is all by your strength, it will be limited. Seek God to augment your efforts and to build the character quality in you. –Seek transformation, not just help in the moment. This also applies for patience, kindness, goodness, and so forth. (Gal. 5:22)
Don’t return evil for evil. Give a blessing instead. Don’t feed your anger by beating a pillow or screaming in the woods. Instead, use that time to seek God for a way to change the tone of the tense situation. Do something that will bless the other person. It will bring change in you even if the other person doesn’t mellow. (1 Peter 3:8 and surrounding verses)

You don’t have to fight anger alone. Take courage. The Lord is with you and He will fight for you if you seek Him and His salvation. (Joshua 1:9; Exodus 14:13-14).

Uprooting Anger: Destroying the Monster Within offers further help in identifying roots of anger and gives steps toward heart transformation through the power of God.

The Judgment Trap tells how to transform an evil-for-evil relationship by getting rid of the cycle of judgment that entraps you.

Are You Tired of Anger?

Have you tried anger management, only to find that anger keeps popping back up? Is it hurting those around you and destroying relationships with those you love? You want to get rid of it so you can live a life of peace and joy?

James, an inmate from Florida State Prison, is tired of his anger and wants to be free from it. Recently, he pointed me to an answer for how to get free. I think he’s on the right path. After sharing about an incident when he got angry, he quoted some verses from Isaiah 26.

“The steadfast of mind Thou wilt keep in perfect peace, because he trusts in Thee. Trust in the Lord forever, for in God the Lord, we have an everlasting Rock” (Is. 26:3-4).

Trust in the Lord depends on belief and reliance on His truth, goodness, ability, strength, love, an more.

When you trust in the everlasting Rock—instead of looking at what triggered it—you remain steadfast because you know the Lord will be there with you and for you. Therefore, you aren’t threatened when things don’t go like you think they should.

When you get angry, it’s time to step back, be still, and get your feet and your focus back on the Rock. If you are trusting in the Lord when you’re triggered, you won’t get angry.

Because you are steadfast of mind, He will keep you in peace.

Study: Does Your Boss Do a Good Job?

A recent study funded by Melbourne University found that three out of four employees in the Australian workplace believe their managers do not do a good job. Furthermore, 75 percent believe that they can do a better job.

Does your boss do a good job? Could you do better? How frustrated or angry are you because of ineffective management? What about other areas of your life?

The article by Clay Lucas in The Sydney Morning Herald was titled, “Anger Management: study shows that most workers feel they should be boss.”

We have the perception that being boss means you’re in control, that you get to make the decisions and do what you want. Those who are boss are aware that it’s much more complex than that, and that you don’t always get to do what you want. However, basically, the boss is in control—as least from the perspective of those under him/her.

Generally, we like to be in control of our lives, whether at work, at home, or . . . anywhere. Arguments erupt between children over who is in control of a particular toy—or spouses over the finances. Cancer is a dreaded word because it is generally totally outside our control.

The Australia problem is not limited to Australia or to the workplace. It’s human nature to think your way is better. When you do, frustration and anger grow out of things not going the way you think they should. Simmering discontent, conflict, and strife often follow.

What do you do about it? After all, sometimes you can do better than the person above you.

Paul told the believers in Rome, “through the grace given to me I say to every man among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith” (Rom. 12:3).

Don’t think too highly of yourself? That means you think more highly of others, of their ideas and ways of doing things. Instead of demanding your way, build them up, listen to them, appreciate them, and defer to them.

Notice the clarification and hope in last phrase, “as God has allotted to each a measure of faith.”

God has gifted each with faith. To expect that I always know the best way is to deny that God might give solutions through someone else. As I acknowledge them, I am acknowledging the gifting God has put in them.

On the other hand, if I have been allotted a measure of faith, I need to put that faith to work. I don’t have to be in control when God is by my side. Instead of demanding my way, I can rest in God and trust Him with the results.

Can you do better than your manager? Is he or she blocking your way?

If you can do better, it’s hard to let go and rest in God. But, when it’s time to defer, it’s toxic to hold on to the mindset, “I can do better.” It will lead to frustration, dissatisfaction, and bitterness and/or anger.

If you want peace and harmony, give your better ideas to God and trust Him for a good outcome. Instead of holding onto your way, work to support the other person. If you do, you’ll grow in character and in faith.

Maybe that’s what it’s all about.

What do you do when you can do better than your manager?

Robert & Kay Camenisch encouraging and equipping relationships