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What’s Our Problem?

What’s our problem, anger or fear?

In TheNational, Rashmee Roshan Lall contends that “Fear, not anger, is gripping voters around the world.”

Anger is filling the airwaves and is even evident in political crowds, but I tend to agree with Lall. Something happened several years ago that led me to believe fear is the real issue.

I remember the incident vividly. Robert said something minor one morning and my angry response was totally out of proportion to the offense. I quickly saw that I’d overreacted and forgave him immediately.

But I remained upset with him. Thinking I hadn’t truly forgiven, I sought God and forgave him again. And again. It didn’t help. All day long, I was an attitude waiting to happen, but I couldn’t figure out why.

I don’t like being at odds with anybody, but especially not my husband. In the evening, I told Robert I needed help and asked him to listen to me so He could pray for me. (Side note: it’s courteous to warn your husband that all he has to do is listen. Otherwise, he’ll feel the need to fix it.)

I shared my struggle, admitted it was foolish, and asked for prayer so I could move on.

Robert listened patiently, but he didn’t pray. Instead, he asked, “What are you afraid of?”

Immediately, I identified the fear which grew from the comment that morning, and the anger disappeared. Instantly, it was gone.

Instead of praying for help, we thanked God for His faithfulness and the knowledge that He will handle any incident that causes us to fear.

In his article, Lall identified major fears around the world, and how history shows us that when fear and anger prevail in a civilization, it leads to bad decisions. I would interject that the same is true in personal relationships. Simmering, frustrated fear muddles reasoning and leads to emotional decisions.

Today, there is reason for concern. When you can’t do anything to fix a problem, you tend to feel trapped and insecure. That leads to fear. When the problem continues and the fear isn’t resolved, anger simmers, looking for a target, just like it did for me that day. I couldn’t get rid of it until I recognized it.

Once I identified the fear, I knew God was with me, He could handle it, and I didn’t need to fear. That resolved the anger.

In the Bible, God speaks a lot about fear. In fact, He tells us to fear. However, according to the Word, our normal fear is misplaced. When they faced threatening situations in life, the Lord repeatedly tells His children, “Fear not.”

For example, when the children fled Egypt and became trapped between the Red Sea and the Egyptian army—a position of sure doom—Moses said, “Do not be afraid. Stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord, which He will accomplish for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall see again no more forever. The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace” (Exod. 14:13-14).

Did you notice in that verse what we are to do, and what God will do on our behalf? Through Israel’s fear, we learn that even mighty armies are not a threat if we stand still and trust in the Lord to fight for us. If He can rescue untrained, unarmed slaves from an attack by the Egyptian army, He can take care of anything we face.

When His children were afraid because of their situation—whether in the nation or as individuals—God said, “Don’t be afraid.”

On the other hand, the Bible is full of reminders to fear the Lord. Furthermore, He promises mercy and blessing if we fear Him—rather than fearing what may happen or what others are doing. A few examples are:

  • “The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe” (Prov. 29:25).
  • “You must not fear them, for the Lord your God Himself fights for you” (Deut. 3:22).
  • “Surely His salvation is near to those who fear Him, that glory may dwell in our land” (Ps. 85:9).
  • “For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His mercy toward those who fear Him” (Psalm 103:11)
  • “He will bless those who fear the Lord, both small and great” (Psalm 115:13).
  • “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding” (Prov. 9:10).
  • “He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He also will hear their cry and save them”(Ps. 145:19).
  • “In the fear of the Lord there is strong confidence, and His children will have a place of refuge (Prov. 14:26).
  • “But whoever listens to me will dwell safely, and will be secure, without fear of evil” (Prov. 1:33).
  • “The fear of the Lord leads to life, and he who has it will abide in satisfaction; he will not be visited with evil” (Prov. 19:23).

When faced with doom, we don’t have to adopt anger as a way of life; instead, we need to identify our fear.

Unfortunately, the longer we remain angry and focus on the thing that is causing fear, the more likely we will see our fears come to pass.

The solution to our troubles will be found in God. He will work for us.

When Peter stepped out of the boat and walked on the water to meet Jesus, he looked at the waves around him and began to sink. Then, he looked to Jesus and held out his hand for help. Jesus lifted him up from the threatening waves.

The waves are dashing against us. They’re unrelenting. And anger does not help. In fact, it makes matters worse.

But we don’t have to be gripped by anger or by fear.

It’s time to lift our eyes and hands and reach for the Lord. He will lift us up. He will also fight for us and we can hold our peace.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Tim. 1:7), and “He will ever be mindful of His covenant* (Ps. 111:5).

“If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land (2 Chron. 7:14).

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*Learn more about “His covenant,” where He promised to be our shield and protection (and much more) in The Great Exchange: Bound by Blood. You’ll learn the seven exchanges of the ancient covenant ritual and the significance of each. It also shows the significance of the covenant in the lives of believers. Our problems become small when we are in covenant with the living God.

Mama Said

 

While in high school, I worked as an assistant to a professor from Emory Dental School in Atlanta. He enjoyed teaching, but Dr. Bartholomew missed patient interaction, so he contracted with our family dentist to use his office on Saturdays. I was his receptionist and assistant.

I liked working with Dr. B. The atmosphere was pleasant and peaceful. However, there were days when it seemed nothing went right. For example, when filling a difficult molar, Dr. B had to practically stand on his head to work. He was challenged because dental equipment was not made for left-handed dentists back then.

I don’t remember other problems, but I know they existed, because I remember his response  when they’d pile up. He’d quietly sing, “Mama said there’ll be days like this. There’ll be days like this, my mama said!” from “Mama Said,” a song released by The Shirelles in 1961. He never sang anything else. That song told me he was stressed.

Fifty years later, I still occasionally think about “Mama Said” when facing unexpected difficulties. It came to mind a few days ago when a friend shared with me. Jeanne’s day was filled with challenges that were in her space and needed to be addressed, but they were outside her jurisdiction, so she couldn’t do anything about them.

The song came to mind when she told me about her drive home. She turned on her blinker to signal a right turn. Instead of the blinker, the windshield wiper started. Her reaction was, “What in the world!”  After a moment of consternation and confusion, she realized she’d used the wrong lever. She’d turned on the wipers, not the blinker.

She stopped for fast food in route. When she pumped ketchup into the little cup that’s provided, it came out really watery and kinda’ brown colored. “Ooooh, yuk. What’s wrong with the ketchup?”

Then she saw she was pumping tea, not ketchup—and that an employee saw her mistake. Jeanne chuckled and told her, “You can tell your co-workers what I did so they can laugh too, but please wait until I’ve left so they won’t look at me!”

And I’m thinking, “Mama said there’ll be days like this.”

Problems of wipers coming on instead of blinkers and tea in the ketchup cup quickly turn into a laugh that relieves tension. However, that’s not true of all interruptions or challenges.

For instance, a friend’s plumbing has been stopped up for two weeks and the plumber can’t find the blockage. A house across the street burned down the day after Christmas, and a young wife discovered uterine cancer resting next to her baby when she had her first ultrasound—all recently.

We never know what a day will bring.

We can count on most days having some kind of challenge. The question is not IF it will happen, but how we will deal with the unpleasant surprises that interrupt us.

Having expectations that life will always be smooth and go like “I” want it to leads to frustration, anger, and shaken faith when the unexpected happens. Emotional eruptions short-circuit the brain, making it more difficult to deal with the situation. Dr. B’s singing was probably his way to calm down and embrace the day, so he could make the best of it.

If we have Jesus, we should be able to navigate “days like this” with greater grace, because we have more than a mama who said it.  God warned us and also told us what to expect.  The Bible says the righteous will suffer many afflictions, “but the Lord delivers him out of them all” (Ps. 34:19).

Jesus warned us of tribulations and persecutions. (Mark 10:29-30, Jo. 16:33). Paul said he is “well content” with weaknesses, insults, distresses, persecutions, and difficulties “for Christ’s sake, for when I am weak, then I am strong (2 Cor. 12:10). If Paul experienced bad days, we can expect them.

Paul said not to be disturbed by afflictions, for “we have been destined for this (1 Th. 3:2-3) and reminded us that we conquer through Christ, and nothing “shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Rom. 8:35-39). Stress and unexpected interruptions don’t have to ruin our day if Jesus is with us—but we may need to remind ourselves that He is there all the time.

James takes it a step further. He encourages us to “Consider it all joy . . . when you encounter various trials” because through the testing of our faith we gain endurance that we may be “perfect and complete, lacking nothing” (Jam. 1:2-4).

It’s good for a mama to warn that there’ll be days like this, because they do happen. However, it’s even better to have a reason to hope and rejoice in the midst of frustration, hardship, uncertainty, pain, and whatever else the world might throw our way that makes our day “like this.”

Jesus warned us so that we can have peace in the midst of our difficult days. “These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage, I have overcome the world” (John 16:33, emphasis added).

In Him, we can overcome our days like this.

 

It’s Hard to Pray . . .

Have you ever been in the middle of family tension—i.e. a fight—just before a meal?

Everybody sits down to an awkward silence because nobody wants to pray. It’s hard to pray in an angry atmosphere, especially if you are part of the ruckus.

When the privilege falls to me, my first reaction is, “I don’t want to—I don’t know what to say.” I feel dry, like a dry creek bed with nothing to flow. Next, I feel guilty because I don’t want to talk with God.

Then I mentally scramble to come up with a meaningful prayer that is sincere. But that’s hard to do until I move beyond my anger–or at least set it aside so I can face God.

Several days after somebody said, “It’s hard to be angry when you’re praying,” somebody told me, “It’s hard to pray when you’re angry.”

Both are true.

Anger erects a wall between us and God, making it difficult to connect with the One who gives life and fellowship.

If it’s hard to talk with God when we’re mad, how does it affect our capacity to receive the grace needed to deal with our anger? Or with the situation that made us mad?

However, when it’s difficult to talk with God, that is precisely the time we most need to do so.

If we go to Him with an open heart, being honest about our struggles, He’ll receive us. In fact, He is our deliverer and strong tower. If we run to Him when we’re in trouble, we’ll move through our struggle much more quickly than if we try to handle it on our own.

Tell the Lord how you feel, and why. Use Him for a dumping ground.

But, listen as you talk. Listen to yourself. And listen to God.

If you’re anything like me, once the steam is released a little, you’ll hear yourself and think, “Oh, that’s not good!” and it will be about something you said or did. Next, you’ll see that your attitudes don’t glorify God. Before you know it, it becomes hard to point fingers at the other person because too many are pointing back home.

I have vivid memories of how I handled anger as a teen. With six of us crowded into a small home, there was no escape when tensions flared, so I’d retreat to the piano. I’d  race through a vigorous, angry piece, tearing up the keys with pent up emotion.

Sometimes I played it twice before moving on to something else that was full of energy. A hymn book offered more selections, and they became more and more mellow, until I closed with  peace in my heart, often playing “Sweet Hour of Prayer.”

I didn’t realize it then, but I believe God was directing me in a time of prayer as I played. He let me blow off steam and then spoke to me through the words of the hymns. It would not have worked to start with “Sweet Hour of Prayer.” I had to dump first, to get out the emotion so I could move beyond it. That’s fine with God. He’s bigger than our rants. He can handle them.

The important thing is to have an open heart so He can also speak to us. As we dump, we need to listen to ourselves, listen to God, and repent for the bad attitudes and actions He shows us.

It is hard to pray when we’re angry, but if we’ll run to Him, He’ll hear us, speak to us, and draw us to Himself. In God’s presence, anger dissipates as we soak in the knowledge of His love, power, and goodness toward us.

Do you find it difficult to pray when you are angry? How do you move back into fellowship with God?

Snares for Today’s Christian – Part 3: What Can I Do?

As darkness gets darker in the world, I’m tempted to make my voice heard and fight 1349021113jjoqofor my rights. When pushed, my tendency is to push back.

But I’m reminded that Jesus, who was without sin, didn’t push back when He was pushed. He went to the cross as a lamb to slaughter.

However, I don’t live in Jesus’ day. Maybe God will call me to be vocal, to fight what I see as evil. But for now, He’s called me to be sure my heart is clear, that I’m right with Him, so that when I, personally, am confronted with darkness, I will respond with life and light.

The obvious deviations from God’s design that are increasingly accepted do not tempt me. They are not likely to become a snare for me, but that doesn’t mean I’m lily white.

I’m prone to less obvious sin. Things such as fear, pride, judgment, and self-sufficiency sneak in unnoticed.

If I want to drive back darkness and build the kingdom of God, my first order of business is to get myself right with God. I need to be one with Him so my ears and heart will be open to hear His directions and carry His work with His power.

God has given me steps to take to maintain a right relationship with Him. Some of them are:

BELIEVE: How can we follow if we do not believe? Don’t fall into the trap of framing your beliefs around your experiences or desires.

STAND: Stand firm in Christ and on His Word, don’t be trapped by the lures of the world.

LOVE: If we don’t have love, we like clanging gongs (1 Cor. 13:1) and all our efforts toward change are in vain.

SOW PEACE: Respond to attacks in a spirit of peace, showing love and respect. Leave an opening to share Christ’s love.

  • Ephesians 6:15: Shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace;    Eph. 6:15
  • 1 Peter 3:10:  Refrain your tongue from evil. Turn from evil and do good. Seek peace.
  • Matthew 7:12:  Treat people the way you want to be treated.
  • (Also Gal. 5:22-25, Matt. 5:9)

PRAY WITH THANKSGIVING AND PRAISE: Pray for God’s kingdom to be established, in the church and in the world.

These things don’t call for great heroics or direct confrontations. They are basic training. Nevertheless, we are dependent on God working in us to faithful even in the basics. If He doesn’t build the house, we labor in vain as we build it—beginning with the foundation.

May the Lord help us to be a light in the midst of the darkness, free from the snares of the enemy that would try to hold us back. And may we be prepared to hear His voice and be obedient to what He asks of us.

Help us, Lord, to “watch out that the light in [us] may not be darkness” (Luke 11:35 ).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Christmas Love

A babe, born in a stable in Bethlehem.

Unlike us, He chose to come to earth,

Chose when and where to make His appearance.

He humbled Himself because of His great love.

Love for you and me.

 

He came so that He might hang on a cross,

To spill His blood,

Redeeming man from sin.

To split the vale and make a way

To draw us to Himself.

 

As you celebrate the birth of Jesus,

May you experience His great love

And the wonder of it all.

The joy, peace, and fellowship

That comes from knowing that love.

Knowing Jesus.

 

How to Have Peace and Joy at Christmas

“Tis the season to be jolly,” or so the Christmas song goes. I enjoy decking the halls, but prefer thinking of Christmas as the season of peace and joy. Jolly is good, but it reminds me of Santa, and I’m not trying to be like Santa. Life is not always jolly.

Jesus is the Prince of Peace, and in Him we can have joy even when we’re not jolly.

However, I’ve already been reminded that Christmas is also the season of clashes in relationships due to stress, tension, and long to-do lists. This year the season is complicated because we are in the midst of transition in our house. As we clean out closets and drawers to move our living space from one part of the house to another, everything is in chaos, and our to-do list involves a lot more than Christmas.

In the last couple of days, I’ve been on the giving and the receiving end of responses that were far from peace and joy, much less jolly. They were impatient and unkind, not the  scene pictured on Christmas cards.

A sharp tone is a natural (fleshly) response when additional stress is added to a tense situation. It’s not desirable any time of the year. Jesus said, our “mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart” (Matt. 12:34). Consequently, if we want to avoid harsh words, biting our tongues will have limited effect. We need to tend to our hearts if we want to control our mouths.

Our house isn’t in order yet and we’ve done very little to prepare for Christmas. Yesterday, I finally took the fall decoration off the front door and put out a nativity scene, but our to-do list is still overwhelming. But, in spite of the list, I want to enjoy a season of peace and joy, not one of impatience and strife.

I determined that I have to be pro-active if that desire is fulfilled. I need to deal with my heart daily—and throughout each day. I’m suspicious I’m not the only one with the problem, so I’m sharing my insights on how to “manage” my heart in the midst of stress. So far, they are working.

I realized that as a result of high demands for my time and energy,  I’ve been attacking the day in high gear, racing to get everything done. As a result, I’ve charged ahead in my own strength. Consequently, I’ve left God out and have thus missed out on His grace—His strength, joy, and peace. I need to realign my heart so I can receive from Him. I can’t expect to walk in the strength of the Lord while running through life as if everything depends on me.

1. First, I need to acknowledge my problem and confess my stress, sharp voice, sinful nature,  inadequacies, doubts, fears, and . . ..

2. I need to submit to God and give Him my day, my stress, my to-do list, and the demanding people around me—i.e. anyone and everyone who requires time and attention can seem like a demand if it is a distraction from our agenda, even if they are gracious about their needs.

3. I need to acknowledge my need and ask for God to work in and through me, to guide my day, direct my path, give me grace. I need to let Him reign in my heart, so He will maintain joy and peace within.

Basically, it’s a matter of letting Jesus back on the throne in my heart. He is the Prince of Peace. Where He reigns, there is peace and joy.

The fruit of His Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Gal. 5:22). If I let His Spirit rule in my heart, I shouldn’t have any problem with impatient or harsh responses.

I’d like to hear from you. How do you maintain a pure heart and gracious spirit when under stress?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Replace Conflict and Strife with Grace and Peace

Is bickering, conflict and strife threatening to destroy your marriage? Your  family? Your job? A close relationship?

Don’t let strife tear apart important relationships.  You can make a difference toward positive change. “Turn away from evil and do good; …seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11).

How? How do you turn from strife and seek peace when conflict erupts in your face?

For years we’ve heard that we need to count to ten before saying anything, but Jesus’ instructions are much more effective. He said, “You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye”(Mt. 7:5).

It’s natural to focus on what others are doing wrong, but if we get angry at the other person before first searching our own hearts for unrighteousness, we are hypocrites. (Jesus said it, not me.)

When I ask God to show me if there is any unrighteousness in me, He’s always faithful!

Furthermore, I often find that the thing that upsets me about the other person is lurking in my heart as well.

Am I upset because it seems:

  • They are trying to control me? . . . I’m angry because I want to be in control.
  • They are being insensitive and only thinking of themselves? . . . So am I.
  • They are judging me.  . . . I’m guilty of the same.
  • They said something mean. . . . I didn’t say it, but I had mean thoughts too.

Look past your actions. What attitudes are in your heart? Do they reflect the mercy and grace of the Lord? Is your heart in line with the conditions of love listed in 1 Corinthians 13?

The log in your own eye may be ugly. You may find deep issues of unforgiveness, bitterness, and judgment. You may not like it.

But you’ll love the freedom, peace, and joy you get if you take those findings (logs) to the Lord and ask His forgiveness for your own shortcomings.

When you do that, amazing things happen in a relationship that was strained. Most of the time, strife will be avoided. Even if the conflict is not totally settled, you will have a measure of faith and peace in the midst of it. You will have more grace to deal with the other person and the situation.

After all, while taking the log out of your own eye, you’re dealing with unrighteousness in your heart. As you remove the hindrance in your relationship with God, you clear the way to receive more of His grace. As you receive more of His grace, all of life will be richer and sweeter.

 

 

 

 

 

 

(1 Peter 3:11).

How? How do you turn from strife and seek peace when conflict erupts in your face?

For years we’ve heard that we need to count to ten before saying anything, but Jesus’ instructions are much more effective. He said, “You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye”(Mt. 7:5).

It’s natural to focus on what others are doing wrong, but if we get angry at the other person before first searching our own hearts for unrighteousness, we are hypocrites. (Jesus said it, not me.)

When I ask God to show me if there is any unrighteousness in me, He’s always faithful!

Furthermore, I often find that the thing that upsets me about the other person is lurking in my heart as well.

Am I upset because it seems:

They are trying to control me?  . . . I find I react in angry because I want to be in control.

They are being insensitive and only thinking of themselves? . . . So am I.

They are judging me.  . . . I’m guilty of the same.

They said something mean. . . . Maybe I didn’t say it, but I thought something mean too.

Look past your actions. What attitudes are in your heart? Do they reflect the mercy and grace of the Lord? Is your heart in line with the conditions of love listed in 1 Corinthians 13?

What you find when you identify the log in your own eye may be ugly. You may find deep issues of unforgiveness, bitterness, and judgment. You may not like it.

But you’ll love the freedom, peace, and joy you get if you take those findings to the Lord and ask His forgiveness for your own shortcomings.

When you do that, amazing things happen in a relationship that was strained. Most of the time, strife will be avoided. Even if the conflict is not totally settled, you will have a measure of faith and peace in the midst of it. You will have more grace to deal with the other person and the situation.

After all, by taking the log out of your own eye, you’re dealing with unrighteousness in your heart. As you remove the hindrance in your relationship with God, you clear the way to receive more of His grace. As you receive more of His grace and all of life will be richer and sweeter.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are You Tired of Anger?

Have you tried anger management, only to find that anger keeps popping back up? Is it hurting those around you and destroying relationships with those you love? You want to get rid of it so you can live a life of peace and joy?

James, an inmate from Florida State Prison, is tired of his anger and wants to be free from it. Recently, he pointed me to an answer for how to get free. I think he’s on the right path. After sharing about an incident when he got angry, he quoted some verses from Isaiah 26.

“The steadfast of mind Thou wilt keep in perfect peace, because he trusts in Thee. Trust in the Lord forever, for in God the Lord, we have an everlasting Rock” (Is. 26:3-4).

Trust in the Lord depends on belief and reliance on His truth, goodness, ability, strength, love, an more.

When you trust in the everlasting Rock—instead of looking at what triggered it—you remain steadfast because you know the Lord will be there with you and for you. Therefore, you aren’t threatened when things don’t go like you think they should.

When you get angry, it’s time to step back, be still, and get your feet and your focus back on the Rock. If you are trusting in the Lord when you’re triggered, you won’t get angry.

Because you are steadfast of mind, He will keep you in peace. 

Four More Things That Steal Peace

I forgot about a radio interview this past week, scheduled for noon. My phone reminded me at 11:50. I scrambled to get rid of noise makers that might interfere, find information on the person interviewing me, and locate the telephone number.

I called in just two minutes before show time—only to reach a recording that said, “Your program is 1 hour 1 minute and 53 seconds away. Call back . . ..”

When the recording stopped, the line went dead. The set time had arrived, but there was nothing I could do but call back in an hour.

The frantic panic passed, but peace alluded me. I couldn’t work, because I couldn’t focus. Instead, I used the time to reconnect with God and find peace so I’d be ready for the interview.

An hour later, I was ready, called as instructed, and reached a person this time. He asked, “Is this _____?”

“No. I’m Kay Camenisch.” He didn’t seem to recognize my name, much less expect me. He said to call back in an hour. After we hung up, I called back and listened to the program as he interviewed someone else for fifteen minutes.

Then I had 40 minutes to brush aside my questions as to what was going on and to nestle into God and place my trust in Him before I placed the call again.

In retrospect, it all makes sense. The day before I had posted a blog listing Three Things That Steal Peace. Now I had a “life” illustration to accompany the listing of four more things that rob us of peace. I had already started today’s blog.

Four more things that block our peace are:

 1. Bitterness

Bitterness leads to destruction and a lack of peace (Rom. 3:14, 16). When we’re bitter, we’re unhappy with the things God has allowed in our lives and thus cannot enjoy fellowship with Him. Therefore, God tells us to put away all bitterness (Eph 4:31).

2. Judgment

“There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One who is able to save and destroy; but who are you who judge your neighbor? (Jam. 4:12). When we judge those around us, it destroys peace because we are competing with God for His place as judge.

3. Pride

“God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble” (1Pet. 5:5). The Lord designed us to depend on Him. When we think we can run our lives without Him, that’s pride. If we leave Him out, He will oppose us. However, when we humble ourselves before Him, we find grace and peace.

4. Doubt

When we doubt the goodness, care, and provision of God, our peace is replaced by fear and anxiety. However, when we have been “justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ” (Rom. 5:1). This applies to daily life as well as to salvation.

It’d be easy to say I lost my peace because I forgot the interview, or because somebody messed up on what they told me, or that I can’t trust other people to get things right. Maybe there is an element of truth to some of that–especially that I was in a bind because I forgot.

However, my real issues were pride and fear.

I’d blown it, and I didn’t want to mess up. I want to impress the host and the listening audience. That’s pride. In addition, I was depending on myself to make it right. As I scrambled, I prayed that God would help—but I wouldn’t have been so frantic if I’d expected Him to work it out.

Once again, the Lord came through. The call was not late. Furthermore, I had time to settle down and turn my eyes and hope back on Him. I had time to replace pride and doubt with humility and faith. What looked like a delay in the appointment was God’s provision for me to find peace in Him.

The interview went well, even though it seemed obvious that the host had hurriedly gotten information about me from the internet. He was not familiar with the book at all, but he was very gracious and professional.

I lost my peace momentarily, but I quickly returned to a place of peace, because I generally experience peace in my life. I’m far from perfect in my walk. I still fail, but the Lord is faithful.

If we learn to recognize the traps and run to the Source of peace when we fail, He will always be there for us.

When you find yourself out of peace, what do you do?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Holding On To Anger

 Two birds battled in our driveway. The beak of one clamped firmly on the leg of the other. The captured bird wrestled frantically to break loose. They jerked, thrashed, and rolled as each fought to gain advantage. 

I spotted the birds as I was leaving to run an errand. The birds blocked my path for almost ten minutes. I finally slowly rolled forward. When my front tire was about a foot from them, the assailant finally released its grip, and the two birds flew away, free.

The battle reminded me of a time my husband, Robert, and I struggled. We looked like those birds. Conflict threatened to destroy our marriage as we thrashed and tumbled, trying to gain advantage. At every turn, one—usually both—of us was hurt. I thought the emotional bumps and would never cease and bruises never heal.

Struggles in relationships are often lengthened because, like the birds, neither gives in. We hold on, refusing to let go. We don’t realize that as long as we maintain our grip, we are trapping ourselves too. We’re wounded along with the one we won’t release.

The Key to Peace

Throughout my struggle with Robert, I never guessed that I held the key to stopping the conflict. Freedom finally came after I realized I was holding onto Robert’s leg through judgment. My judgment had destroyed the peace and joy we once knew.

Where the Conflict Began

The conflict began when I didn’t approve of a decision Robert made and was afraid our family would suffer. My fear led me to be too forceful when we first talked about my concerns. Consequently, nothing changed. Later, even as I tried to be respectful and supportive, I was thinking, “you shouldn’t be doing that,” and “You ought to . . .” I held him by the leg with my shoulds and oughts and continued to judge his decisions.

However, I was blinded by my fear of the consequences we might suffer from his choices. I wasn’t aware of my judgment. 

Robert’s Side of the Story

Meanwhile, it felt to Robert like I didn’t respect him and like he couldn’t do anything right. Even when I didn’t say anything, he sensed my underlying judgment. It was hard for him to hear God because he was overwhelmed by fear of my reactions.

A Vicious Circle

As the conflict continued, my greatest concern was Robert’s lack of seeking the Lord. How could we expect God’s blessing if we didn’t seek His direction? What I didn’t realize was that I was in the way. I was standing between my husband and God. He was so afraid of my reaction that he couldn’t find the Lord.

God’s Truth

Jesus said,  “Do not judge lest you be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you” (Mat 7:1-2 ). As long as I remained judgmental against my husband, I felt judged by him because he didn’t seem to listen to anything I said. The consequences of my judgment were worse than those from his decisions. For months, we scrambled like two birds in the driveway.

Freedom from Strife!

When I released Robert from my shoulds and oughts and trusted God to work out His purposes, Robert and I were both freed. He was free to hear God, and we found peace with God and with each other.

It doesn’t matter who we struggle with. Instead of holding on, we need to release people and circumstances into God’s hands. After all, He is the judge. When we act as judge, we are acting as god.

“Therefore you are without excuse every man of you who passes judgment, for in that you judge another, you condemn yourself, for you who judge practice the same things” (Rom. 2:1 ).

Learn More

Jesus said, “judge with righteous judgment” in John 7:24, and “Do not judge lest you be judged” in Matthew 7:1. How do you reconcile these seemingly opposing Scriptures? Find the answer in the free e-book,  The Judgment Trap.

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