The Importance of Touch in Building Family – Part 1
Touch is very important in building healthy family relationships.
When a young child causes another one to be hurt, the parents often correct him and then say, “Go hug Johnny and tell him you’re sorry.” Many times, as soon as he touches his friend to give him a hug, big grins replace the scowls. If it’s two boys, they’re likely to fall and roll on the ground laughing like they are once again best buddies.
Attitudes are more likely to change if a hug is included in the apology, but we seem to forget that as the child ages. Hugs are no longer required. Indeed, even the apology is required less often.
If you’re married, do you ask your spouse for forgiveness when needed–and hug to seal the interchange? What about with your children?
There is power in the touch. It doesn’t have to be a hug, but touching makes a difference. Something is transmitted through touch.
In Leviticus, there are many laws warning about touching people or things that are unclean. Why? Because uncleanness is transmitted through touch, making the person unclean. (Lev. 5:2-3, Lev. 7:21)
On the other hand, crowds following Jesus tried to touch Him so they would be healed. The woman with an issue of blood was healed when she touched the hem of His garment. Jesus even felt the transfer of power and asked who had touched Him (Matt. 9:20-22). Likewise, the blind man was healed when Jesus touched his eyes (Mark 8:22-25).
There is power in the touch.
I’m speaking of gentle, intentional touching. Harsh, hurtful touch, such as a slap on the face, also carries a message that is greater than the force of contact. The transfer of power behind such force causes harm to the soul and the relationship, but a gentle, intentional touch is healing and builds relationship.
Touch stimulates growth. Babies in crowded orphanages who are left in beds all day with little touching or interaction with adults, do not grow and develop normally. Indeed, children of all ages show emotional and developmental problems if they lack interaction and physical contact.
Likewise, marriage relationships experience stunting in growth and development
without regular contact. 1 Corinthians 7:4-5 indicates that the touch between husband and wife needs to also include intimacy, and that it is harmful to deprive your spouse.
It’s good to set aside a regular daily time for touching. It can be holding hands across the table during devotions, a time to debrief about the d
ay, sitting side-by-side on the couch—with the children in another room. Or it can be as simple as holding hands on a walk or a time of cuddling after going to bed.
The time doesn’t have to be long to strengthen the bond between two people. Ten minutes at a time is a good start. That’s a small investment to strength a marriage bond.
I might add, that the power of touch is also a reason to encourage teens and young adults to delay touching in early dating. Casual touching can strengthen a bond too soon. That magnifies the temptation and stress in the relationship, often leading to unplanned intimacy.
I didn’t
grow up in a family that touched much, so I had to be intentional about it at first. But I’ve learned well, and I’m grateful for the rewards that I see in my marriage and in relationships with others.
We’ve found that it is a challenge as a couple to walk as one, following Jesus’ command that a husband and wife are to be one flesh (Matt. 19:5-6).
However, the simple practice of regular hugs and cuddles is a simple, practical way to help build and maintain harmony and unity in the home. That’s true between husband and wife and with the children as well.