I believe that one of the most disliked, misunderstood, and even rejected passages in the Bible is Ephesians 5:22-24, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”
Wives (past, present, and future/married, previously married, or not yet married) often fight submission and/or misinterpret these verses. Instead, they’re taught to stand up for themselves. Husbands tend to use these verses to lord over their wives, to give in to them, or they simply ignore the verses because they don’t know how to live up to God’s admonition to husbands that follows (Eph. 5:25-29).
I’m not going to teach on the authority-submission issue. I’m not smart enough. I’ll leave it to someone who is a better scholar and a better writer than I.
However, I’ve learned through the years that God blesses our marriage when I take this admonition seriously. As I understand these verses, I’m told to submit to my husband as the head of the family.
I’m blessed in that Robert is a reasonable husband. He isn’t a tyrant. He seeks to live with me in an understanding way (1 Pet. 3:7). He’s learned to consult with me (most of the time), to respect me as a beloved daughter of the King, and to value my input before making final decisions. (Though I must say he practices those things most consistently when I’m not pushing to have it my way. It’s a two-way street.)
We’ve both learned that God blesses our relationship and our usefulness in service for Him when we heed these principles. As a result, the love, joy, and peace between us grows sweeter through the years.
But some of the self-centered “old man” keeps hanging around. In other words, sometimes we don’t walk it out as smoothly as I make it sound.
I want to share about one of those times.
Robert is retiring the end of June, and we plan to move. Consequently, we’re in the midst of preparing our big, 100-year-old house to put it on the market. As I sort and clean, I’m finding things I didn’t even know I had. The maxim proves true that if space is available, we tend to fill it up, and this house has a lot of space.
I’m working to clean out and price things for a yard sale. But my calendar is not supporting that goal. I’m frustrated by constant distractions and interruptions.
Consequently, I had little desire to travel four hours to my 50th college reunion recently—killing three full workdays in the process. After all, we had just spent a week out of town helping a son with a project. Additionally, I’m basically an introvert and am drained by short, surface, social conversation that I imagined would fill the reunion weekend.
But Robert wanted to go. And he wouldn’t drop it, even though he knew I didn’t want to go, and that it was my class reunion, not his.
We never argued about it and he didn’t even try to change my mind. BUT, he did go ahead and register us for the weekend! He even signed us up for the events we would participate in!! All without seeking my final approval!!! (Yes, I know not to overuse exclamation points when I write.)
I’ve learned that I can trust God to work through my husband when we differ in our opinions—or to teach him a lesson if he’s wrong. Since I began taking these verses seriously, the Lord has always been faithful to speak and lead our family through Robert.
And yet, I had an attitude about the reunion. One that hung around and didn’t easily resolve even after we were registered. Experience told me that I’d be glad I went once I connected with old friends, but my to-do list, fatigue, and dread were too real to ignore. I went with an obvious attitude. I chaffed at the submission principle, even while realizing that God surely had a purpose for this huge distraction.
For us, the event started with a joyful, refreshing conversation with an acquaintance, a greeter who welcomed us as we registered. When we exited that interchange, my attitude was still so bad that when Robert asked, “What now?” my calm reply was, “It’s your party. You tell me.”
I don’t say that proudly, but it’s true and is part of the story.
In spite of myself, I did enjoy renewing old acquaintances and am grateful for the opportunity. It was well-planned and was good to renew acquaintances, but given my responsibilities left behind, I’m not sure I would choose it, even now.
However, in the unstructured time of the trip, I experienced God at work, and it left me energized, renewed, and more deeply connected to others. That wouldn’t have happened if we had not gone.
Three different people (one of which was me) were able to share deeply concerning areas where God is dealing, where faith is being tested, and where life was shared. It was a privilege to be part of those intimate circles.
Hearts were drawn together as burdens were shared. We participated as God worked in hearts and lives—giving answers, building faith, and offering comfort, support, and hope.
All in spite of my bad attitude and my lack of faith.
A week has passed, and my heart is still overflowing with gratitude for the mercy, patience, and faithfulness of my God. And for having a husband that is willing to obey the quiet urging of God—even when his wife resists. I am blessed.
I’m really grateful we made that trip and that even though I nursed an attitude, I’m glad I didn’t openly fight going. It would have been worth it for one of those encounters, much less three.
In the midst of a culture that encourages women to be independent and stand up for rights, it’s hard to submit. Indeed, it goes against our human nature without cultural influence.
I suspect it’s more difficult for a man to hear the voice of the Lord when it doesn’t align with his own or his wife’s opinion, much less to follow that leading when facing resistance.
But after last week, I’m more convinced than ever that God’s Word is truth (John 17:17) and that we are blessed when we heed it and obey.