Our marriage was punctuated with conflict and strife. What happened to the peace and joy that we had enjoyed for so long? How had the seemingly never-ending sparring match begun? Robert and I no longer trusted each other for good.

The thunderstorm raging outside as I write illustrates what our marriage had become like. Flashes of lightening streak across the sky, followed by crashing thunder and rumblings that roll across the land. Before the rumblings die down, the sky is streaked once again, and claps of thunder reverberate through the house.

Only in our home it was anger that raged, flashed, and exploded. And there was nothing majestic or beautiful about it or about the turmoil, judgment, and pain that reverberated and rumbled on and on.

I felt I was suffocating, caught in a vicious, unrelenting cycle.

An opportunity to house sit for a couple of days for friends gave me a chance to sort through what was happening, seek God, and hope for a moment of peace.

While there, God spoke to me.

He said, “Let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit, not returning evil for evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing” (1 Peter 3:8-9).

I longed for harmony, sympathy, brotherly fellowship, and kindheartedness, but it seemed foreign and impossible to attain—in me or in our relationship. Nevertheless, through these verses the Lord gave me direction.

And hope.

I was too beaten down to embrace much at the moment, but I knew my task. I needed to not return evil for evil or insult for insult. I needed to give a blessing instead.

I had said many hurtful things to Robert. They flowed from the pain within, but I needed to break the pattern and give a blessing when I was tempted to return evil. I didn’t know how to do that, but I clung to it because at least I knew what to do.

Furthermore, I sensed the Lord with me. He spoke to me. God would lead us through the terrible storm.

I was also intrigued and gained hope from the end of the verse. “For you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing” (1 Peter 3:9). I desperately needed God’s blessing. If I understood correctly, I needed to learn to bless instead of insult because God wanted me to be blessed. If I blessed him, I would be blessed—and God’s desire and purpose was to bless me! Those were words of life.

When we sense a negative or evil attitude from someone else, the natural response is to react in the same manner. But that is not God’s way. He is love. His kingdom is righteousness, peace, and joy. As His representatives, we need to give a blessing rather than responding  negatively. Giving a blessing instead will calm the storm.

If you are trapped in an evil-for-evil relationship, giving a blessing is easier said than done. Some days, it feels almost impossible. But you are not alone. Cry out to God for help. In your weakness, draw on His strength, His kindness, His righteousness, His love. He is waiting to be asked.

For us, the storm did pass—just as the storm outside passed as I wrote this. We are experiencing greater harmony, fellowship, and joy now than we ever dreamed was possible before, and certainly during, our stormy years.

Don’t give up. However, instead of fighting your way out of the storm, ask God what you need to do. Let Him lead you to righteousness, peace, and joy.

The Lord showed us that judgment trapped us in turmoil. If you are trapped in an evil-for-evil relationship, learn how to break free through a short, free book, The Judgment Trap.