Should You Be True to Yourself?

“I have to be true to myself. I’m not happy when I’m not true to who I am.”

Rachel was sincere in her explanation and her appeal. As she explained why she kept going outside established boundaries, she didn’t seem oppositional or rebellious.

Indeed, she seemed confused and a little distressed as she explained her position. She didn’t like getting in trouble, but she didn’t understand how not to. At least not while being true to herself.

Many of our young people share Rachel’s view. Their standard of right and wrong is determined by what their inner man says is right for them. They believe that others are free to determine what is right for them—as long as it doesn’t step on their toes or counter their belief system or standards.

There is just enough truth in their notions to make it sound good. We need to have principles that guide us, and we need to hold true to those principles. If we don’t, we will lack peace and lose our direction—leading to confusion, depression, and a sense of failure.

However, as we seek to be true to ourselves, we establish ourselves as the standards for right and wrong. We also ask for disaster. We will be driven by our whims, emotions, and passing fantasies, not to mention the influence of our friends—and even those we consider our enemies.

Furthermore, our true “self”s are self-centered sinners. If that side of us is given into and encouraged, it leads to self-serving choices in life.

Rather than being true to self, if we want to experience abundant life—a more realistic goal than happiness—the only way is to accept Jesus Christ as our standard and be true to Him. He is the way, the truth, and the life (Jo. 14:6). Only as we follow Him will we experience fullness of life.

It may seem good to be true to yourself. However, as we pursue that goal we establish ourselves up as gods of our lives.

That’s a problem, because we can’t serve two gods. We will grow to love the one and hate the other (Mt. 6:24). Any one who is striving to be true to himself has already chosen self and pushed aside any other authority, including the one true God.

Jesus said, “He who is not with Me is against Me” (Matt. 12:30a).

Paul essentially said the same thing, but he worded it differently. “For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be. So then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God” (Rom. 8:5-8).

I recognized the danger of being true to self when talking with Rachel, and it seems prevalent in voices I hear from our culture. That’s disturbing because it will lead to disaster, even death.

More disturbing is when God’s spotlight reveals the tendency in my own life.

Too often I’ve held back from things because they weren’t me—not my gifting, not my comfort zone, didn’t fit my schedule, . . .. Too many times, I’ve let my preferences dictate what I was willing to do for God.

And yet, some of my greatest blessings have been when I submitted and said, “Yes, Lord.”

If I had remained “true to self” as I knew me, I never would have written a book, much less three. I wrote outlines and kept notes my whole life because I “might want them some day.” Those are obvious signs of a writer’s heart, but I thought I couldn’t write.

I don’t expect to get a major writing award, but I am regularly rewarded by things God shows me as I write and by other people sharing how God touched them through my writing.

If I’d been true to myself rather than obedient to God, I would have missed out on many blessings just in that one area, much less in others. When we stay in our comfort zone, we don’t learn how to lean on the Lord. Consequently, we miss many opportunities to see Him at work and learn of His grace and faithfulness.

I lost touch with Rachel shortly after she shared her frustration with me years ago. She was a sweet Christian, trying to follow the Lord while also trying to be true to herself. I trust she found her way, and with it found the righteousness, peace, and joy of kingdom living.

Through our conversation, I learned the difference between being true to yourself (and the danger of that quest) and being true to your Lord and the principles learned from Him. Jesus asked us to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Him (Lu. 9:23).

Deny yourself and take up the cross–the instrument of suffering and death. That is the exact opposite of being true to yourself. And Jesus said to do it daily.

May He give us the grace to follow Him instead of our own desires and understanding.

Is It a Sin to Be Angry at God?

“Is it a sin to be angry at God?” I sensed that the one who questioned had a personal interest in knowing the answer.

It’s a good question. I don’t believe the Bible states the answer directly, but there are some facts that give clues as to the answer.

God gets angry, so anger itself is not necessarily a sin.
God isn’t intimidated when people get angry at Him.
1. When Cain got angry at Him for rejecting his sacrifice, God asked, “Why are you angry?” (Gen. 4:5)
2. When Jonah got angry because God didn’t bring calamity on the Ninevites and when he got angry about the plant drying up, God asked, “Do you have a good reason to be angry?” (Jonah 4:4, 9)
3. When the Jews became angry at Jesus for healing a man, He asked, “…are you angry with Me because I made an entire man well on the Sabbath? Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.” (John 7:23).
In each situation, God responded to man’s anger with a question. He turned the focus back to the heart of the angry person. Why are you angry? Jesus added a warning which questions the judgment that led to anger.

If we get angry at God, rather than pointing fingers at Him, we need to ask ourselves why we’re angry, and we need to search our hearts to find the answer.

IF the Lord acted unrighteously toward us, we might have a reason to get angry, but that won’t happen. His ways are always righteous, just, and loving. We may not understand the hows and whys, but if the action is from the hand of God, it is good.

Most of the time, we get angry because we’re self-centered instead of God-centered. We react in anger when things aren’t going the way we think they should.

Cain reacted when God didn’t approve of his sacrifice.

Jonah took it personally when his predictions for the destruction of Ninevah didn’t take place. Then he got mad because the vine—which grew supernaturally fast to shade Jonah—wilted. Jonah wasn’t grateful for the shade God had provided; he was just angry when it was gone. His anger grew from his focus on himself and what he wanted rather than on God’s purposes.

Jesus questions about the Jews and their judgment of Him healing on the Sabbath brings the question back to individual heart condition. Which is important, making a man well, or forcing legalities on people that bind them?

Asking, “Is anger against God a sin?” is probably the wrong question to ask. If we are angry at God, we need to ask, “Why am I angry?

Am I angry because I want God to do things my way? Do I have enough faith to let God be God and trust Him with the results when things don’t go my way?”

Asking, “Why am I mad?” offers opportunity to find the real sin in our hearts, the sin of wanting to be god, of wanting things to go our way instead of God’s. The sin of ungratefulness, judgment, or lack of faith. (Or maybe it’s something else.)

As long as we’re angry at Him, our fellowship is broken. Likewise, as long as we harbor sin, our fellowship with Him is broken.

God knows we’re self-centered and that we will get angry. Even if being angry at Him is sin, He isn’t surprised or flustered by it.

Instead, when we become angry at Him, He would probably ask us a question. He probably wants us examine our motives so we can take care of the sin that led us to be angry.

When we take care of the underlying unrighteousness, we will find that the anger is gone and we can once again trust Him and fellowship with Him.

How to Choose Your Battles

I began my study with anger thinking I didn’t have a problem with it. I knew I got angry occasionally, but didn’t realize how often or how destructive my ager was. However, when I did a study to help others, I realized that I had a big problem with anger. I had just rationalized it because most of the time it was expressed quietly rather than exploding.

Another thing I learned was that most of the times that I got angry, I thought I was irritated or frustrated—and I was–but those around me experienced anger from me. I discovered that calling anger by a more acceptable name doesn’t make it less destructive.

Looking a little deeper, I realized that much of my anger (frustration, irritation?) was over minor issues that didn’t matter at all. I got irritated over things that weren’t going my way, like having my favorite food ruined by a spice I didn’t like, or having to stop to explain something when I’m ready to run out the door, or a child tracking on the floor, and so forth. Little things.

They are little things that impact my preference or agenda. Maybe they disturb my comfort or sense of well-being—but for how long?

I saw that much of my anger stemmed from my focus on me. I see the world from my eyes, my life, my past, my desires and If I’m not careful, I expect things to go my way. When they don’t, I tend to react.

It’s pointless to waste energy and strain relationships on little things. I needed to choose my battles.

God used James to help me adjust my perspective.

In James 4:14, we’re told that we are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. If I’m just a vapor, how important are those irritations that bother me today and then vanish like a vapor? Are they worth a reaction that can lead to conflict?

Some things matter for eternity. They are worth taking a stand for—but even in important matters, anger is generally not the best approach to get positive results.

Most things that tempt me to anger are just a vapor in my day, much less my life. They aren’t worth the energy spent on anger, much less the tension and conflict that is a likely result.

When angered, it helps me choose my battles if I stop and ask if those irritants matter. If I remember that I am just a vapor, most irritants become insignificant, and the temptation to anger vanishes like a vapor.

Robert & Kay Camenisch encouraging and equipping relationships