“We are all insecure and we all put false devices around ourselves to shield us from hurt. When they are challenged, insecurities and fears are exposed to ourselves, and we fear exposure to others,” according to Mark C.

Mark was studying Uprooting Anger: Destroying the Monster Within on Ephesians 4:26, “In your anger, do no sin.” It led him to question why we choose to react to situations in anger. He shared his insight with me.

He recognized that anger is inevitable. Things happen that cause us to react in anger. It is a natural response. But Mark sought deeper understanding of what drives the anger. Why do we choose anger as our response when we feel threatened or hurt?

He decided that it comes from our insecurity, and our fears that others will see our unseemly flesh.

I believe he has a point. Much of our anger grows out of our desire to defend ourselves. We want to look good and for those around us to think well of us. We don’t want them to see our flesh, our weaknesses, insecurities, and flaws. We feel vulnerable.

Consequently, we erect somewhat of a demilitarized zone around ourselves. Mark described it as encircling ourselves with china plates to keep others out. However, when someone challenges us, it’s like their rocks shatter the china-plate barrier.

The sharp edges of the plates then cut into us and hurt us more than the “sticks and stones” that were tossed our way. The familiar saying, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me” is not true. Words can leave wounds that last longer than bruises and broken bones.

However, the reason we’re devastated is that words penetrate our false sense of security. They shatter the phantom barrier of defense, the “china plates” that we use to hide our flesh. Consequently, our unpleasant flesh is uncovered.

Mark said, “Anger is a cover-up of the flesh.” 

We don’t like our flesh exposed. When trapped or exposure is threatened, we revert to anger because it makes us feel bigger and more powerful. We wield it like a weapon. Anger rises to regain control and spews on anyone who gets too close.

But there is irony in our scheme.

When we resort to anger, we draw attention to our weakness and insecurity. We shine a spotlight on the very thing we are trying to keep hidden. The louder, longer, and harsher the anger is, the brighter the spotlight, and the more it exposes our flesh.

Anger is a self-defeating defense. Even as we get our way, we expose our weakness and vulnerability. We reveal the flesh we so desperately wanted to hide.

So, what’s the solution?

Rather than fighting to appear strong and secure, we need to run to Jesus. He is our rock, strength, defense, fortress, and strong tower. He will watch over us.

If we abide in Him, it won’t get rid of our flesh. We won’t be perfect. We’ll still have weaknesses.

However, the more we identify ourselves as being hidden in Him, the less we will be threatened by insecurity and a sense of vulnerability. The more we believe we are in the Strong Tower, the less we will need imaginary, flimsy china plates surrounding us.

God did tell us to be ready to defend, but it was not about defending ourselves. He said, “But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear; having a good conscience, that when they defame you (throw sticks and stones at you) as evildoers, those who revile your good conduct in Christ may be ashamed” (1 Pet. 3:15-16).

• We are to be ready to defend the hope that is in us—which comes from abiding and identifying with Christ.
• We are to defend ourselves with meekness and fear (of God, not of being exposed), not anger.
• As we do so with a good conscience, those who revile us will be ashamed, not us.

When we find our identity and security in Jesus Christ, rather than ourselves, we will be able to defend the hope within us and to respond in meekness and fear of God.

Help us, Lord, to run to You and abide in You.