A recent dream stirred up memories of an incident from baby-sitting when I was a teen. One weekend, I cared for children while their parents went out of state for a wedding. I was in charge of 6 or 7-year-old Bill, and his younger brother Dave for three days and two nights.

The first day went well in the morning. In the afternoon Dave pushed the boundaries, keeping me on my toes. Finally, he intentionally wrote on Bill’s prized baseball card.

Bill was incensed.

I carefully explained to Dave not to do that anymore. He seemed to understand. But he immediately wrote on another of Bill’s baseball cards!

Dave was normally an obedient, well-behaved child, and I wasn’t accustomed to handling such problems, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt, but made sure he understood not to do it again. But he did it again anyway.

I told him that if he didn’t obey, I’d spank him. He assured me that he understood.

(Note: This happened about 50 years ago when most children learned their limits through spanking. For about a minute, I was grateful that was settled.

Then, Dave dared me to spank him. While sitting on the floor, he looked into my eyes while boldly and defiantly writing on the card.

I’d been on the receiving end of many spankings, but I’d never dished one out myself. It was time. I’d said I’d spank him.

First, I asked him tell me why he needed a spanking. Yes, he understood that he was disobedient.

So, I spanked him. I tried to make it hard enough to hurt—without being too hard. He cried appropriately. We hugged, and I told him I loved him. I had him ask Bill to forgive him, and then we had some ice cream together.

Afterward, Dave was fine. He didn’t push the boundaries anymore and we enjoyed our weekend together. I believe I would have learned a lesson that weekend if it ended there, but during his bedtime prayer, Dave did something that cemented the incident in my memory.

Dave asked God to bless Mommy and Daddy and several others. Then he said, “And thank you that Kay spanked me today.”

This insecure teen was put at ease. I questioned my actions, but Dave was grateful.

Children need to know their boundaries. Studies have shown that without clear boundaries, they are insecure. Today, too many children are not given clear boundaries, or set boundaries aren’t enforced—often because parents are reluctant to give consequences for disobedience.

Dave wasn’t accustomed to his parents being gone for the whole weekend. He needed to know if the boundaries had changed. When I reinforced what he knew was right, he felt secure. Since I did it with love, he also felt loved. He was much happier once the issue was settled.

Dave forced me to take charge, and he made me a better parent. When I had children, I wasn’t afraid to set the boundaries or to dish out consequences when they weren’t followed.

It wasn’t always fun, and I wasn’t always as gracious as I could have been, but they my children learned that our choices have consequences—for good or for bad. That’s an important lesson for success in life.

Thank you, Dave.