The Need for Love in the Midst of the Storm

A short video of students from Kentucky had news reports and social media buzzing this past week. The teens were faulted and demonized because of false assumptions concerning their actions and motives. They had participated in the March for Life and were waiting for buses to return home from DC when they came under brutal verbal attack.

They chose to not respond in kind.

I won’t go through the whole report because it has been over-reported already, but I will say I’m proud of those young men. While in a very uncomfortable position, with vile insults being directed at them, they chose to respond by drowning out the attack with school spirit chants rather than react.

When a Native American beating a war drum added to the commotion by coming into their space, Nick Sandmann chose to personally stand his ground and face the Indian, who was just inches away. He looked very awkward much of the time, but chose to smile rather than escalate the tension. His smile was interpreted as a smirk and led to him being vilifying by the media and in social media.

The students of Covington, Kentucky demonstrated self-control in a very difficult situation. Slander, name-calling, and threats were heaped on them from strangers who did not witness the incident.

The original attacks were unprovoked, and it’s notable that the students were not doing anything illegal, weren’t harming anyone, and were unknown to their attackers. And yet, they were judged as being at fault and became a handy target for attack.

Matthew 7:1 records Jesus saying, “Judge not that you be not judged.” It’s a sad reflection on a nation when a four-minute clip gives license to so many people to make judgment and seek to destroy strangers with so little evidence.

Sadly, this isn’t an isolated incident. Similar name-calling and threats are broadcast daily as someone (from both side of a disagreement) attempts to give weight to their cause by destroying their perceived opponent. Sadly, the problem is escalating and the longer it continues, the deeper the schism will be.

I think the true problem is that we’ve moved away from God and from loving our neighbors as ourselves. If that’s so, only a genuine revival, one in which our nation turns back to God, will bring the change we need.

In the meantime, we are self-destructing with our judgment. It is a trap that spirals downward, catching bystanders in its vortex. I can’t fix the nation, but I can start with me—and God asks that of each of us.

When Jesus warned us not to judge, He continued, “For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you” (Mt. 7:1-2).

The event in Washington didn’t happen in a vacuum, it began with judgment in the past. We’re in the midst of a stormy battle. Every time we judge someone on the other side of the fence, it will be passed back. Both sides are guilty and it escalates as it’s volleyed back and forth.

When we are judged, we judge back. Jesus said so. When we’re pushed, we push back (internally if not outwardly) especially if it’s a repeated or ongoing judgment. That’s true even if we only identify with someone else who is unfairly judged. The kids from Covington were pushed, and I identified with them.

I slide into judgment without realizing it. (Is it just me?) Too often, I respond with negative, critical thoughts about “them,” whoever them might be.

But, Jesus speaks to me again. He says, “Love your enemies.” Love them? Hmmm. Love your enemies. But He didn’t stop there. He said to “pray for those who persecute you” (Mt. 5:44).

“Love your enemies” is personal and individual. I am to love “them.” And pray for them. And for those who name-call, slander, exaggerate, spin the story, or spread false reports.

Jesus’ words are straightforward. They don’t leave any wiggle room, no way to rationalize out. We are to love and pray for our enemies, not to be negative and critical.

I can’t do that. It’s not natural. I need help.

Oh, I can pray, but how do I stop the negative, critical thoughts?

That’s the hard part. When judgment is cast in my direction, I want to judge back, and even to fight back. Not to love. Not to be patient and kind, bearing all things, and enduring all things. I find myself doing the things of 1 Corinthians 13 that I’m not to do (or be). You know, things like being arrogant, rude, irritable, and resentful.

I try not to show it, but in my heart, I believe I’m right, and I want right to win!

The greatest of these is love. Love wins. As strife builds and judgment abounds we must remember that the greatest of these is love.

Lord, teach us how to live and to love in the midst of the storm of vitriol and judgment.

Learn more about the destructive trap of judgment in a free e-book, The Judgment Trap.

Beware of Black Spots

Our relationship had become very rocky. Intimate moments between mother and child had been replaced wi See the source image th tension and conflict. I went to sleep every night and woke up every morning praying for answers. My heart longed for our previous normal.

I didn’t expect the answer to come in a dream.

One night, I saw a big white sheet lowered in front of me. In the middle of it was a round black dot. It wasn’t very big, but drew immediate attention to its See the source image elf because of the sharp contrast with the white background.

As I looked at that black dot, a voice asked, “What do you see?”

The answer was obvious, “A black dot.”

After a pause, I heard, “That’s how you see your daughter.”

At first, I was puzzled. It didn’t make sense, but it didn’t take me long to realize that she was precious in many ways, but all I saw was the black spot. I didn’t see the white sheet because my attention was intently focused on the black dot.

I was crushed. I felt like a failure as a mother. But since that time, I’ve realized how easy it is to get side-ways in a relationship because we see the black spot and fail to see the good in another person.

Most of the time, the good far outweighs the bad, but if our focus is on the black spot, the positive fades into oblivion. The relational tension is magnified and grows because the other person can sense the displeasure, causing them to become guarded and tense, maybe even oppositional. Consequently, the spot seems darker or larger.

And the relationship deteriorates. Rapidly, if unloving words are exchanged.

We all sin. None of us are clean white sheets–except that we are washed in the blood of the lamb. While we’re focusing on the dark spot in others, there’s probably one in us too.

Knowing that should help us be a little more forgiving when we are confronted by a dark spot in others. However, in order for that to help, we need to step back, search our own hearts (What about a judgmental spirit, if nothing else?) and look at the whole “sheet” of the other person, noting their good qualities.

If we relate to them as if to someone we love and enjoy, the negatives will often take care of themselves. That’s especially true if we are aware of our own sinful nature.

But sometimes the problems don’t take care of themselves. And maybe the concern for your loved is valid. What do you do then?

You enlist help. “Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved” (Ps. 55:22).

He will sustain you, and He can fix what we can’t. He is much more effective at changing hearts and minds than we are.

Furthermore, He tells us to “be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus (Phil. 4:6-7).

What we want is peace concerning the loved one, but we will be anxious as long as we focus on the black spot. We find peace when we focus on the white, the good, and give the problem to God in prayer and supplication—and with thanksgiving.

Once again, it’s very difficult to be thankful when we’re focused on the black spot. It’s all right to glance at it, but our gaze needs to be on the Lord, on His power to redeem, His faithfulness, and on the positive things in our loved one.

If our thoughts and prayers are consumed with the problem, we’re making the problem worse. We need to learn to beware of black spots, because nothing is impossible with God (see Mt. 17:14-21).

Combatting the Enemy’s Secret Weapon

We are at war. In last week’s post, Satan’s Secret Trap, we saw how Satan tries to destroy joy and peace in our relationships by stirring up judgment between us and important people in our lives. It is a major strategy to defeat God’s children.

Image result for image of marching combat boots When we hold onto judgment, it grows in our hearts like a dark cloud. It leads to bitterness, making us, well, bitter—to ourselves and to others. The sourness from judgment is damaging. It drags us down, destroying relationships with family, friends, and co-workers.

It also affects our relationship with the Lord, making it more difficult to worship, to hear or see Him, and to daily walk in His strength and grace. It robs us of love and life.

Consequently, Jesus told us not to judge, warning that we will be judged in return. (Matt. 7:1-2).

Paul told the believers in Roman, “In whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things” (Rom 2:1). He then asked, “Why do you judge your brother?” and added, “for we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ” (Rom. 14:10).

He told the Ephesians, “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you” (Eph. 4:31-32). As bad as this list of negatives sounds, they are all things that grow from judgment, often without our knowledge.

Nobody wants these things in his heart. We don’t wake up one day and decide to give the enemy permission to steal our joy and peace and wreck our relationships. We want to live in the righteousness, peace, and joy that is available to all who are children of God.

However, it’s not always easy to simply quit judging because you decide to. Therefore, the next step is to learn how to combat a judgmental spirit.

Steps to fight a judgmental spirit:

Take the log out of your own eye (Matt. 7:1-5). The other person may be in the wrong, but you have no right to judge, neither can you help them, as long as your vision is being blocked by sin in your life. Deal with yourself first.
1. Ask God to search your heart and to show you any unrighteousness in your heart (Ps. 139:23-24).
2. Repent of sin in your life, including taking God’s place as you judged the other person/people (Acts 8:22-23).
Forgive the other person for wrong(s) they have done.
1. Forgive them in your heart and before God, so that God will forgive you for your sins (Matt. 6:12, 14-15).
2. If it will not cause harm, ask their forgiveness for wronging them. If tensions have been strong and obvious in a close relationship, this could be important, greatly reducing the time it takes for an evil-for-evil relationship to be restored (Matt. 6:23-24).
Pray and give thanks for them daily (Matt. 5:44).
1. Bless instead of judging. Bless through praying for God to bless them, but also seek the Lord for a special way to bless the person–through serving or a gift (1 Pet.3:8-9).
2. Give thanks and guard your mind from negative thoughts. For each negative/critical thought that comes to mind about that person, think of two or three things that you are thankful for about that person. (Phil. 4:8, Eph. 6:18-20).
Be still. Wait on God. Work on your own heart (your responsibility) and trust God to do His work in you and in the other person (God’s responsibility). It will likely take time to completely surrender your heart for change. Only then will you begin to be successful in changing your thought patterns, so be patient!
Trust in the Lord. He wants the best for you and desires that you be freed from the bondage of judgment and bitterness even more than you do. You can trust in Him.

He has allowed the other person/people in your life for a reason. Could it be that they are tools to shape you into His image? Could it He is allowing you to go through this hard time so you can experience greater freedom, fuller life, and richer communion with Him than you’ve ever experienced before?

The freedom and life you will find is worth the battle. Endure. Fight to the end for kingdom life, trusting the Lord to do His work in you.

Satan has been defeated. The war has been won. You don’t have to be weighed down because of the enemy’s wiles. You can reign in life through Jesus Christ and enjoy righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit.

———————

The story of my struggle with judgment and bitterness and how I overcame it is available through the free e-book, The Judgment Trap, available for download in the side bar at the top of the page.

Satan’s Secret Trap

Satan has a secret weapon that he uses to defeat Christians. Through it, he steals joy and peace, stir up anger and strife, destroys friendships and marriages, as well as spoiling our witness. It’s a hidden trap.

Image result for image of a gavel It isn’t really a secret because God warns us against it. But because we aren’t alert to the danger, it sneaks up and drags us down without us even being aware that we are in bondage.

That secret weapon is judgment. We get caught in the trap because when something isn’t right we recognize it as wrong, unfair, dishonest, selfish, evil, or any other number of things. Consequently, we judge the person involved.

We’re often right in our judgment, but wrong in our judging—because it isn’t our place to judge another person. It’s God’s. When we judge, we get between the other person and God, making it harder for Him to get their attention and correct them.

(As a parent, how many times has one of your children made it difficult to effectively discipline another one, because the first one made such a ruckus about the offense that they got in the way? We do the same thing when we judge.)

Matthew records Jesus’ words, “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you” (Matt. 7:1-2).

Invading God’s space and acting as judge is bad enough, but a relationship becomes really tense when the person you are judging turns and judges you back. You feel the edge, react in judgment, and tension escalates.

The pressure and contention spiral upward while the friendship spirals downward and an evil-for-evil relationship unfolds. Before you realize what’s happening, you find yourself lacking joy and peace, especially when you think of that particular person.

Even more alarming, judging often spreads. Once it takes root, it invades another relationship and then another, until unpleasant undertones, if not conflicts, develop with several of your close friends or acquaintances.

If you’ve been wondering what happened to once healthy friendships, take note of the signs that judgment may have caught you in its trap.

Signs of judgment:

You are easily irritated by a person, or quick to get angry.
You have a negative, critical attitude when you think about them.
You quickly see what they do wrong, and are slow to appreciate the good in them.
There is tension in the relationship. You feel guarded around them, as if walking on pins and needles to not offend.
It seems that nothing is good enough. You can’t seem to please them.
Trust in the relationship has been broken and you no longer like the person.
You have an evil-for-evil relationship, with quick negative reactions to small slights or misunderstandings.

Even if you have tried hard to act righteously and hide your negative thoughts and emotions, if you are experiencing several things in the list, you are likely guilty of judging another. If so, even your best efforts at responding correctly likely sound hollow and insincere.

If a friend tells you that have mumps, but they have little red spots a Image result for image of measles ll over their body it doesn’t matter what they tell you, if you spend the day with them, you’ll get the measles, not the mumps. They may tell you a different story and try to hide the truth, but you can see through the words.

In like manner, the negative feelings that we try to hide by using gracious words are more visible to others than we realize. When we judge, it can be felt, and we will be judged in return.

Matthew goes on to say,

³ “And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, `Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye?

⁵ “Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye (Matt. 7:1-5).

The first step in overcoming judgment is to deal with your own heart. Ask God to search your heart and show you any unrighteousness that is lurking within.

Your joy and peace is not dependent on another person and cannot be destroyed by them. Clearing up your own heart and getting yourself right with God is necessary before joy and peace return, and certainly necessary before any effort with the other person will be fruitful.

Next week, I will give some steps toward forgiving the person and getting rid of the bitterness. In the meantime, don’t give the enemy permission to steal your joy and peace and ransack your relationships.

Jesus Christ has defeated Satan. Through Him we can reign in life, enjoying righteousness, peace, and joy, free from the destruction of bitterness.

———————

The story of my struggle with bitterness and how I overcame it is available through the free e-book, The Judgment Trap, available for download in the side bar at the top of the page.

You Are Called to Inherit a Blessing

Image result for image of reading a will I have had a difficult time narrowing down my blog topic this week. I’ve rejoiced that I live in America, a nation that exercises the freedom and right to vote for our leaders and that follows through with a peaceful transfer of power. Even though I’m not enthusiastic about the choices we had in voting, I marvel at our system of government, and contemplated sharing my heart..

Simultaneously, I’m concerned about the direct attacks on our democratic system by those who don’t agree with the results. I’ve been tempted to discuss the need for prayer or the need to withhold judgmental attacks on those who disagree with us. I also thought of issuing calls for civility, respect, and unity. If I covered it all, it would quickly become a book—if I could write quickly. 🙂

As these thought rolled in my head, I was reminded of the verses that God used in my life when I was drowning in misery because of judgment and bitterness toward others.

He said, “all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing” (1 Pet. 3:8-9).

As a nation, we have inherited God’s blessings. However, if we continue to attack each other instead of showing compassion, love, and courtesy, I’m afraid the blessings we have enjoyed could dry up.

I’m not covering any of those. My next post will be on something totally different that is stirring even more deeply, but I wanted to at least mention these things, because they are important if want to heal the schism in our land, find peace in our midst, and continue in the blessing that we have come to take for granted–and maybe even consider our right..

The Rest of the Story

I’d like to hear the rest of the story, please. I need to hear more to know whether to be angry, amused, or alarmed when I read cryptic social media posts.

In those cases, I’ll survive without detail, but other posts really trouble me. Comments that follow concern me even more.

For example, this week something on Facebook was linked to a RawStory post by Travis Gettys about a first grade girl. Her teacher corrected her 7 or 8 times for fiddling with her shoes, then punished her by throwing them in the trash. Later in the day, the teacher retrieved the shoes, but the damage had been done. The child was teased by other students and didn’t want to go to school the next day.

Mother was irate because her daughter was humiliated. Furthermore, at a conference with the principal, the teacher failed to admit that she did anything wrong. Consequently, the parents have formed a site to raise money for private school tuition.

Throwing the shoes in the trash seems radical. In addition, the other children should not have been allowed to laugh at and tease the child. These things may need to be addressed.

However, I have questions. I want to know the rest of the story. For example:

Was the child distracting classmates by playing with her shoes?
Was she simply restless and forgetful, or was she disrespectful and combative toward the teacher?
Is she habitually disobedient and/or disruptive?
Did the teacher try any other method to get her to stop?
IF the child was disruptive, what guidelines and training has the teacher been given to compel a disruptive, disobedient child to obey?
Have her parents considered buying new shoes that don’t bother her feet rather than seeking funding for private schooling?
What is the teacher’s side of the story?
Was the child embarrassed because (1) her shoes were thrown in the trash, (2) other students teased her, or (3) because the teacher was impatient with her in front of other students?
Did she not want to go back to school because of humiliation, or because she learned that when she was in the classroom the world didn’t revolve around her?
If the person who commented on the post knew the rest of the story—or if she spent a day teaching a first grade classroom—would she say, “OMG this is horrible!!!! What is wrong with people that they think it is ok to embarrass or humiliate a child!!!”

I repeat that it seems, with the facts given, that the teacher was out of line. However, I’m also aware that no news story ever answers all the questions, and a post on Facebook doesn’t even try.

But that doesn’t seem to matter.

People comment with a certainty that indicates full understanding of the whole story. Voicing such quick judgment stirs up anger and is divisive and polarizing. The comments are often more damaging than the incident they refer to.

When we hear things on the street, the internet, or even in the news, we need to heed Proverbs 18:17, “The first one to plead his cause seems right, until his neighbor comes and examines him.”

The case of the first grade girl and her shoes could have lasting consequences for the student and the teacher, but it has very little impact on the global scene. However, we need to hold our judgment on all reports, whether big or small until we know both sides of the issue.

Jesus said, “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged” (Matt. 7:1-2a). Quick judgment are often wrong. They also lead to judgment being returned.

We are experiencing rampant judgment throughout our culture.

The discord, animosity, and even hatred in our midst is indicative of the consequences of judgment being returned. It is creeping into any–and every–area where understanding is shallow or opinions differ.

I don’t believe any regular reader of my posts is part of the problem. I imagine you are as tired of it as I am. However, I’m sometimes tempted to respond in the same spirit. I hold back because I don’t want to be sucked into the enemy’s game. I want to be part of the solution, and I believe you want to too.

Rather than judging and putting down our opponent, God calls us to

Love our enemies and pray for them (Mal. 5:44),
Give a blessing instead (I Peter 3:8-10),
Seek peace (1 Pet. 3:11),
Seek unity (Eph. 4:3),
Do justice, love kindness, walk humbly with God (Mic. 6:8).

It’s easy to be drawn into the drama presented, to want to either defend or resist whatever is said, but if we remember to ask, “What’s the rest of the story?” it will help us remain centered.

It will also give us time to reflect and realize that all these discussions are really side stories. If we believe in Jesus Christ, what really matters is that His light shine, His story be told, and His kingdom be established among us.

As I struggle to keep from asking for details about the rest of the story, I’m reminded that all these stories are distractions. The real story is about God’s will being done on earth as it is in heaven. My concern needs to be about seeking Him for how I can be part of that effort. After all, He holds the rest of the story in His hands.

God’s Spotlight

This past week three well-known, admired people made the news because secrets about them have been revealed. Things they have kept hidden are now in the spotlight for all the world to know. It’s impossible to hide a secret well enough that God’s spotlight can’t find it in the darkness.

Once hidden secrets are now the target of articles, blogs, and tweets as well as sidewalk chat as everyone makes comment on the latest revelations. But I’ll refrain from joining their ranks.

I’m reminded of the time that the Scribes and Pharisees brought a woman who was caught in adultery before Jesus to be stoned, “He straightened up [from writing in the sand], and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her” (John 8:7).

The woman’s guilt was obvious. She was caught in the act, but Jesus, the Son of God, did not join in the chorus of condemnation. Instead, He turned the spotlight on the accusers.

He led them to search their own hearts.

In response to the latest revelations, I believe that we too need to search our own hearts.

We need to consider:

Jesus said, “There is nothing covered that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known” (Matt. 10:26). We’ve seen how quickly and unexpectedly hidden sin can be revealed. God knows all things anyway. It is so much better to humble ourselves and confess in the appropriate time and place (Jas. 5:16) rather than be found by a spotlight.
God disciplines those He loves (Rev. 3:19). Sin blocks our relationship with Him (Is. 59:2). When He shines His light in the dark corners of our lives, it is an expression of His love for us so sin can be removed and we can walk in freedom and victory with Jesus.
We are all tempted (1 Cor 10:13), and we have all fallen to temptation. Jesus said that when we look at a woman with lust, we have committed adultery already. We may not have lusted for a woman or a child, but how often has our heart yearned for things that were not of God? (Matt. 5:28). Can we justify pointing our fingers at another?
Jesus said, “Do not judge lest you be judged” (Matt. 7:1). God is judge. It is not our place to judge the guilty person as to motives or to condemn him/her by our gossip.
We need to pray for the person that has failed, their family and others involved. Pray for God’s kingdom to come and His will to be done in their lives (Matt. 6:10), or join Paul’s prayer for the Ephesians, “that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe” (Eph 1:18-19).
We need to pray for ourselves, that God would shine His light on any hidden sin and give us courage and humility to repent and confess. But for the grace of God, go I.
God will come to our aid to help us resist temptation (Heb. 2:18). Furthermore, He won’t allow us to be tempted beyond what we can resist if we call on Him (1 Cor. 10:13).

Instead of focusing on the sins of others, we need to ask God to shine His light on us. Like David, we can pray, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way” (Ps. 139:23-24).

“God is light, and in Him there is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; but if we walk in the light as He Himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin” (1 John 1:5-7).

We don’t have to fear the spotlight revealing our secrets, we can run to the light and be cleansed of our sins.

Snares for Today’s Christians

I’ve recently been increasingly aware of the difficulty of walking in righteousness–in healthy OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA relationships with God and with each other. It seems the world is fighting to destroy Christianity with carefully aimed attacks against faith and obedience to God. However, our greatest danger might actually be hidden traps that could ensnare us.

The attack against morality has become so loud and visible that the Supreme Court ruling was no surprise. The rise in hostility, anger, and hatred across the land is also blatant. Likewise, dangers of killings by terrorist or deranged people are quite obvious.

Most of us aren’t tempted to join these actions, but we can easily be drawn into unrighteousness because of them. For instance, when we’re pushed, the natural reaction is to push back. If someone speaks in judgment and anger, it’s natural to respond in kind—in thought if not in words.

That’s the danger. No matter what the nature of the assault—and I believe we’re under assault—our nature is to respond in a similar spirit. It’s natural. We often do it without being aware of it.

In other words, we respond in the flesh.

When we feel threatened—from terrorists, the quiet person that suddenly goes berserk, activists that want to change society’s norms, financial instability . . . When we feel threatened, our natural response is fear.

However, Deuteronomy 6:13 says to “fear only the Lord your God.” In the Bible, we are told repeatedly that we have nothing to fear because God will protect us. When fear because of threats to our well-being holds us in bondage, we’ve been drawn into unrighteousness.

We’re denying God’s desire and ability to be our protector. The position of faith is to fear only the Lord. Furthermore, “the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (Ps 111:10). If we are no longer walking in faith, i.e. if the fear of attack is greater than our fear of God, we’ve been ensnared.

Another trap is to judge those who are pushing their agenda on us. God is judge (Ps. 50:6). And it is unrighteous to take His place. Furthermore, He tells us that if we judge we will be judged accordingly (Mt. 7:2). When we judge, it escalates conflict–but it is easy to slip into judgment when the Word of God is clear that something is wrong.

To be clear, we are to judge with righteous judgment (John 7:24). We must discern between right and wrong. We are to consider thoughts and actions according to the Word of God to determine whether or not God approves.

But it is not our place to judge other people, their motives, and intentions. It is not our place to declare their future reward. Our judgment prevents God using us to show His love and kindness toward that person.

If our judgment blocks us from hearing and/or obeying God, then it is unrighteous. As we judge them and act negatively toward them, it gives them a wrong impression of God. If we are a stumbling block that keeps them from knowing God, we’ve been drawn into unrighteousness. (More on The Judgment Trap)

These are just examples. There are more, such as pride and unforgiveness. However, next week, I’ll share what God has shown me as I consider these hidden traps that would ensnare us.

Meanwhile, what do you see as snares that would catch us unaware and ensnare us as we strive to walk in righteousness today?

It’s Worth It All

For the last month, my life has revolved around home repair and remodeling. Normal duties have gotten cursory attention because of the chaos and distractions caused by remodeling. One day, meal preparation was so distracted that I forgot to season any of the dishes I prepared.

One of our projects was to replace the floor in the bathroom. We knew we had to pull up the old, lay down a backer board and put tile on top of that. We didn’t know that the old floor had twice as many nails in it as necessary, making it very difficult to pull out. Neither did we know that we would find rotting wood that required us to go even deeper.

We spent over a week preparing that floor for its transformation. (One 12-inch long, inch-and-a-half board had 13 nails in it.) As we labored, I realized how much upgrading a hundred-year-old house can be like making changes in our lives. I couldn’t help but compare it to a difficult time for me.

I went through a period when I was impatient and easily angered at Robert. I couldn’t seem to help myself and asked the Lord to fix me. The process was much like the bathroom. It consumed my life. Even when completing tasks at hand, my mind was distracted by chaos and upheaval. I wanted to avoid the pain and restore order and normalcy.

While knowing change needed to be made in my heart, that the old man would need to be removed. I didn’t know there was rot that needed to be dug out from deep within. Nor did I realize how painful and prolonged the process would be. I became hopeless, depressed, confused about who I was. It seemed God had deserted me.

But it was me that had deserted Him. God was faithful. He was working on me the whole time. He not only stayed beside me, He didn’t quit until His light revealed the rotten spots in my heart—the judgment and bitterness that were destroying my relationships.

He didn’t just cover them up and put a new tile on top, so I would look fixed. He went deep and dealt with the rottenness that was eating me up.

It was the most difficult time of my life. It hurt and I thought it would never end, but I’m grateful for every minute of it, because I love the transformation.

Not only did I get rid of judgment and bitterness, but I gained the ability to see when I’m tempted to judge or get bitter today. I don’t want to go down that path again, so I’m quick to work through those attitudes. Consequently, it’s easier to walk in righteousness in those areas. As a result, my relationships with God and others are sweeter and richer.

Because of that time, I am also more confident of God’s love for me. He really does work all things together for good—even when it feels like our very insides are being torn out.

We’re delighted with the new tile floor. We wish we had done it long ago. When we get a fresh coat of white paint on the cabinets and install the new window, it will look like a new room!

The same is true with transformation in our lives. The end product is always good if we hang in there and cooperate with Him until it is finished. It’s worth it all.

Overcoming an Evil-for-Evil Relationship

Our marriage was punctuated with conflict and strife. What happened to the peace and joy that we had enjoyed for so long? How had the seemingly never-ending sparring match begun? Robert and I no longer trusted each other for good.

The thunderstorm raging outside as I write illustrates what our marriage had become like. Flashes of lightening streak across the sky, followed by crashing thunder and rumblings that roll across the land. Before the rumblings die down, the sky is streaked once again, and claps of thunder reverberate through the house.

Only in our home it was anger that raged, flashed, and exploded. And there was nothing majestic or beautiful about it or about the turmoil, judgment, and pain that reverberated and rumbled on and on.

I felt I was suffocating, caught in a vicious, unrelenting cycle.

An opportunity to house sit for a couple of days for friends gave me a chance to sort through what was happening, seek God, and hope for a moment of peace.

While there, God spoke to me.

He said, “Let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit, not returning evil for evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing” (1 Peter 3:8-9).

I longed for harmony, sympathy, brotherly fellowship, and kindheartedness, but it seemed foreign and impossible to attain—in me or in our relationship. Nevertheless, through these verses the Lord gave me direction.

And hope.

I was too beaten down to embrace much at the moment, but I knew my task. I needed to not return evil for evil or insult for insult. I needed to give a blessing instead.

I had said many hurtful things to Robert. They flowed from the pain within, but I needed to break the pattern and give a blessing when I was tempted to return evil. I didn’t know how to do that, but I clung to it because at least I knew what to do.

Furthermore, I sensed the Lord with me. He spoke to me. God would lead us through the terrible storm.

I was also intrigued and gained hope from the end of the verse. “For you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing” (1 Peter 3:9). I desperately needed God’s blessing. If I understood correctly, I needed to learn to bless instead of insult because God wanted me to be blessed. If I blessed him, I would be blessed—and God’s desire and purpose was to bless me! Those were words of life.

When we sense a negative or evil attitude from someone else, the natural response is to react in the same manner. But that is not God’s way. He is love. His kingdom is righteousness, peace, and joy. As His representatives, we need to give a blessing rather than responding negatively. Giving a blessing instead will calm the storm.

If you are trapped in an evil-for-evil relationship, giving a blessing is easier said than done. Some days, it feels almost impossible. But you are not alone. Cry out to God for help. In your weakness, draw on His strength, His kindness, His righteousness, His love. He is waiting to be asked.

For us, the storm did pass—just as the storm outside passed as I wrote this. We are experiencing greater harmony, fellowship, and joy now than we ever dreamed was possible before, and certainly during, our stormy years.

Don’t give up. However, instead of fighting your way out of the storm, ask God what you need to do. Let Him lead you to righteousness, peace, and joy.

The Lord showed us that judgment trapped us in turmoil. If you are trapped in an evil-for-evil relationship, learn how to break free through a short, free book, The Judgment Trap.

Robert & Kay Camenisch encouraging and equipping relationships