“I have to be true to myself. I’m not happy when I’m not true to who I am.”

Rachel was sincere in her explanation and her appeal. As she explained why she kept going outside established boundaries, she didn’t seem oppositional or rebellious.

Indeed, she seemed confused and a little distressed as she explained her position. She didn’t like getting in trouble, but she didn’t understand how not to. At least not while being true to herself.

Many of our young people share Rachel’s view. Their standard of right and wrong is determined by what their inner man says is right for them. They believe that others are free to determine what is right for them—as long as it doesn’t step on their toes or counter their belief system or standards.

There is just enough truth in their notions to make it sound good. We need to have principles that guide us, and we need to hold true to those principles. If we don’t, we will lack peace and lose our direction—leading to confusion, depression, and a sense of failure.

However, as we seek to be true to ourselves, we establish ourselves as the standards for right and wrong. We also ask for disaster. We will be driven by our whims, emotions, and passing fantasies, not to mention the influence of our friends—and even those we consider our enemies.

Furthermore, our true “self”s are self-centered sinners. If that side of us is given into and encouraged, it leads to self-serving choices in life.

Rather than being true to self, if we want to experience abundant life—a more realistic goal than happiness—the only way is to accept Jesus Christ as our standard and be true to Him. He is the way, the truth, and the life (Jo. 14:6). Only as we follow Him will we experience fullness of life.

It may seem good to be true to yourself. However, as we pursue that goal we establish ourselves up as gods of our lives.

That’s a problem, because we can’t serve two gods. We will grow to love the one and hate the other (Mt. 6:24). Any one who is striving to be true to himself has already chosen self and pushed aside any other authority, including the one true God.

Jesus said, “He who is not with Me is against Me” (Matt. 12:30a).

Paul essentially said the same thing, but he worded it differently. “For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be. So then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God” (Rom. 8:5-8).

I recognized the danger of being true to self when talking with Rachel, and it seems prevalent in voices I hear from our culture. That’s disturbing because it will lead to disaster, even death.

More disturbing is when God’s spotlight reveals the tendency in my own life.

Too often I’ve held back from things because they weren’t me—not my gifting, not my comfort zone, didn’t fit my schedule, . . .. Too many times, I’ve let my preferences dictate what I was willing to do for God.

And yet, some of my greatest blessings have been when I submitted and said, “Yes, Lord.”

If I had remained “true to self” as I knew me, I never would have written a book, much less three. I wrote outlines and kept notes my whole life because I “might want them some day.” Those are obvious signs of a writer’s heart, but I thought I couldn’t write.

I don’t expect to get a major writing award, but I am regularly rewarded by things God shows me as I write and by other people sharing how God touched them through my writing.

If I’d been true to myself rather than obedient to God, I would have missed out on many blessings just in that one area, much less in others. When we stay in our comfort zone, we don’t learn how to lean on the Lord. Consequently, we miss many opportunities to see Him at work and learn of His grace and faithfulness.

I lost touch with Rachel shortly after she shared her frustration with me years ago. She was a sweet Christian, trying to follow the Lord while also trying to be true to herself. I trust she found her way, and with it found the righteousness, peace, and joy of kingdom living.

Through our conversation, I learned the difference between being true to yourself (and the danger of that quest) and being true to your Lord and the principles learned from Him. Jesus asked us to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Him (Lu. 9:23).

Deny yourself and take up the cross–the instrument of suffering and death. That is the exact opposite of being  true to yourself. And Jesus said to do it daily.

May He give us the grace to follow Him instead of our own desires and understanding.