evil-for-evil | Robert & Kay Camenisch

I’d like to hear the rest of the story, please. I need to hear more to know whether to be angry, amused, or alarmed when I read cryptic social media posts.

In those cases, I’ll survive without detail, but other posts really trouble me. Comments that follow concern me even more.

For example, this week something on Facebook was linked to a RawStory post by Travis Gettys about a first grade girl. Her teacher corrected her 7 or 8 times for fiddling with her shoes, then punished her by throwing them in the trash. Later in the day, the teacher retrieved the shoes, but the damage had been done. The child was teased by other students and didn’t want to go to school the next day.

Mother was irate because her daughter was humiliated. Furthermore, at a conference with the principal, the teacher failed to admit that she did anything wrong. Consequently, the parents have formed a site to raise money for private school tuition.

Throwing the shoes in the trash seems radical. In addition, the other children should not have been allowed to laugh at and tease the child. These things may need to be addressed.

However, I have questions. I want to know the rest of the story. For example:

Was the child distracting classmates by playing with her shoes?
Was she simply restless and forgetful, or was she disrespectful and combative toward the teacher?
Is she habitually disobedient and/or disruptive?
Did the teacher try any other method to get her to stop?
IF the child was disruptive, what guidelines and training has the teacher been given to compel a disruptive, disobedient child to obey?
Have her parents considered buying new shoes that don’t bother her feet rather than seeking funding for private schooling?
What is the teacher’s side of the story?
Was the child embarrassed because (1) her shoes were thrown in the trash, (2) other students teased her, or (3) because the teacher was impatient with her in front of other students?
Did she not want to go back to school because of humiliation, or because she learned that when she was in the classroom the world didn’t revolve around her?
If the person who commented on the post knew the rest of the story—or if she spent a day teaching a first grade classroom—would she say, “OMG this is horrible!!!! What is wrong with people that they think it is ok to embarrass or humiliate a child!!!”

I repeat that it seems, with the facts given, that the teacher was out of line. However, I’m also aware that no news story ever answers all the questions, and a post on Facebook doesn’t even try.

But that doesn’t seem to matter.

People comment with a certainty that indicates full understanding of the whole story. Voicing such quick judgment stirs up anger and is divisive and polarizing. The comments are often more damaging than the incident they refer to.

When we hear things on the street, the internet, or even in the news, we need to heed Proverbs 18:17, “The first one to plead his cause seems right, until his neighbor comes and examines him.”

The case of the first grade girl and her shoes could have lasting consequences for the student and the teacher, but it has very little impact on the global scene. However, we need to hold our judgment on all reports, whether big or small until we know both sides of the issue.

Jesus said, “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged” (Matt. 7:1-2a). Quick judgment are often wrong. They also lead to judgment being returned.

We are experiencing rampant judgment throughout our culture.

The discord, animosity, and even hatred in our midst is indicative of the consequences of judgment being returned. It is creeping into any–and every–area where understanding is shallow or opinions differ.

I don’t believe any regular reader of my posts is part of the problem. I imagine you are as tired of it as I am. However, I’m sometimes tempted to respond in the same spirit. I hold back because I don’t want to be sucked into the enemy’s game. I want to be part of the solution, and I believe you want to too.

Rather than judging and putting down our opponent, God calls us to

Love our enemies and pray for them (Mal. 5:44),
Give a blessing instead (I Peter 3:8-10),
Seek peace (1 Pet. 3:11),
Seek unity (Eph. 4:3),
Do justice, love kindness, walk humbly with God (Mic. 6:8).

It’s easy to be drawn into the drama presented, to want to either defend or resist whatever is said, but if we remember to ask, “What’s the rest of the story?” it will help us remain centered.

It will also give us time to reflect and realize that all these discussions are really side stories. If we believe in Jesus Christ, what really matters is that His light shine, His story be told, and His kingdom be established among us.

As I struggle to keep from asking for details about the rest of the story, I’m reminded that all these stories are distractions. The real story is about God’s will being done on earth as it is in heaven. My concern needs to be about seeking Him for how I can be part of that effort. After all, He holds the rest of the story in His hands.

Our marriage was punctuated with conflict and strife. What happened to the peace and joy that we had enjoyed for so long? How had the seemingly never-ending sparring match begun? Robert and I no longer trusted each other for good.

The thunderstorm raging outside as I write illustrates what our marriage had become like. Flashes of lightening streak across the sky, followed by crashing thunder and rumblings that roll across the land. Before the rumblings die down, the sky is streaked once again, and claps of thunder reverberate through the house.

Only in our home it was anger that raged, flashed, and exploded. And there was nothing majestic or beautiful about it or about the turmoil, judgment, and pain that reverberated and rumbled on and on.

I felt I was suffocating, caught in a vicious, unrelenting cycle.

An opportunity to house sit for a couple of days for friends gave me a chance to sort through what was happening, seek God, and hope for a moment of peace.

While there, God spoke to me.

He said, “Let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit, not returning evil for evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing” (1 Peter 3:8-9).

I longed for harmony, sympathy, brotherly fellowship, and kindheartedness, but it seemed foreign and impossible to attain—in me or in our relationship. Nevertheless, through these verses the Lord gave me direction.

And hope.

I was too beaten down to embrace much at the moment, but I knew my task. I needed to not return evil for evil or insult for insult. I needed to give a blessing instead.

I had said many hurtful things to Robert. They flowed from the pain within, but I needed to break the pattern and give a blessing when I was tempted to return evil. I didn’t know how to do that, but I clung to it because at least I knew what to do.

Furthermore, I sensed the Lord with me. He spoke to me. God would lead us through the terrible storm.

I was also intrigued and gained hope from the end of the verse. “For you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing” (1 Peter 3:9). I desperately needed God’s blessing. If I understood correctly, I needed to learn to bless instead of insult because God wanted me to be blessed. If I blessed him, I would be blessed—and God’s desire and purpose was to bless me! Those were words of life.

When we sense a negative or evil attitude from someone else, the natural response is to react in the same manner. But that is not God’s way. He is love. His kingdom is righteousness, peace, and joy. As His representatives, we need to give a blessing rather than responding negatively. Giving a blessing instead will calm the storm.

If you are trapped in an evil-for-evil relationship, giving a blessing is easier said than done. Some days, it feels almost impossible. But you are not alone. Cry out to God for help. In your weakness, draw on His strength, His kindness, His righteousness, His love. He is waiting to be asked.

For us, the storm did pass—just as the storm outside passed as I wrote this. We are experiencing greater harmony, fellowship, and joy now than we ever dreamed was possible before, and certainly during, our stormy years.

Don’t give up. However, instead of fighting your way out of the storm, ask God what you need to do. Let Him lead you to righteousness, peace, and joy.

The Lord showed us that judgment trapped us in turmoil. If you are trapped in an evil-for-evil relationship, learn how to break free through a short, free book, The Judgment Trap.

Robert & Kay Camenisch encouraging and equipping relationships

Overcoming an Evil-for-Evil Relationship