Demanding to Be Heard
T
he Women’s March on Washington made quite a statement, but the message was unclear. Marching voices declared mixed causes as their motivation. Some were anit-Trump, some for women’s reproductive rights (pro-abortion), and some for equal pay, among others. (Pro-life groups were not allowed to co-sponsor the event, so it seems the pushers of the march held the abortion as the primary reason for organizing the protest, but women joined for multiple causes.)
In the midst of all the voices, I heard a couple of reasons that seemed to resonate as foundational. One was the demand to be heard. The other, a demand to be valued or considered significant, as in “Women matter” or “Women’s Rights are Human Rights.”
While I don’t think a demand is the best way to get a desired response, I believe that most of the protesting women were there because they feel marginalized—unheard, dis-ed, treated as if they are not important, not valued, not equal to the men in their lives, or even worthless.
While I don’t agree with much on the agenda, I can identify with the women who feel marginalized. I’ve experienced that when Robert and I were with other men. Several times, I wasn’t even acknowledged in the greeting. In conversation I’ve frequently been ignored by the men, as if I’m not there. One man literally turned his back on me without noticing—more than once. (He’s quite a gentleman generally. I’m sure it was unintentional.He simply disregards my presence, and Robert agrees that it’s because I am female.)
I’ve also had questions and suggestions dismissed when it seemed my gender was the issue. In addition, doctors have not paid attention to what I said—even when sharing my symptoms, but were very attentive to my husband’s comments about my symptoms.
When compared to women’s issues in other countries, women in the USA have much to be grateful for and nothing to complain about. Nevertheless, I understand that some women feel they’re not heard or that they’re treated as if they’re inferior. It hurts to be treated as less than.
For the record, I believe the chances of the issues being resolved through protests or legislation is zero to none.
The problem is a heart issue and hearts don’t change on command. There is a culture problem, but it proceeds from the hearts of those who make up the culture. We need to realize we can’t force change in another person’s heart. But we can work on our own.
For many, the problem begins in childhood when a little girl doesn’t feel secure in her parent’s love, or a sibling or teacher says something that causes her to doubt herself. The lie that she isn’t important and doesn’t matter takes seed in her aching heart. It likely grows and flourishes during childhood.
Whether the lie grows or not, if she believed it as a child, she’ll be vulnerable to those hurts and insecurities later in life.
Another fertile garden in which a lie of worthlessness takes root is in a marriage. If a husband is frequently self-absorbed or distracted and pays little attention to his wife’s ideas, questions, or requests, she will likely feel that she has little importance, is worthless, or that she’s just a bother.
It doesn’t matter how those close to her treat her; if a woman believes she is insignificant, it’s a lie.
God said that each of us is fearfully and wonderfully made, created by Him, and that His thoughts of us are precious. (Ps 139:13-17). Each person is precious to Him. And His opinion counts the most.
If we are secure in God’s love for us, we are only temporarily impacted by negative feedback from others. If our positive self-image is confirmed by important people in our lives, we are not shaken by those in the world who do not value us, acknowledge us, or who treat us as if we are insignificant.
If we are not confirmed by those whose opinion we value, the slights we receive as we navigate life will hurt and will likely lead to bitterness, judgment, and possibly hate.
I wasn’t part of the march, but rom my dealings and counseling over the years, I suspect that many, if not most, of the women who participated in the march did so because they don’t feel truly valued by important people in their lives.
That void won’t–can’t—be filled through protests or legislation. Neither will those tactics change the heart and/or the words of the insensitive. The void remains after the protest is passed.
The secret to getting rid of that pain is found in mending the relationships with those who count.
In a generally good relationship, it can help to be open with the offender, sharing what words or action cause you to feel worthless, but that is often not possible.
Whatever your situation, you can and need to gain your sense of worth from your Creator. He knows your true value, your strengths, weaknesses, and the reasons He fashioned you with your unique quirks. Furthermore, He loves you more than anybody else, and He always wants the best for you.
Any time you feel down because someone else doesn’t appreciate you properly, turn your focus to the One who does. He has precious thoughts toward you. You “may boldly say, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man (or his opinions of me) do to me?’’ (Heb. 13:5-6).
Meanwhile, look to God to fill your needs rather than to man. Ask the Lord to help you discard the lie that you are worthless, and to show you His perspective on how He sees you. Pray for your father, spouse, teacher, boss, or (fill in the blank) to have a changed heart. Ask God to help you not form your identity on the negative input you experience.
Mankind is flawed and is prone to let us down and hurt us, even when they have the best intentions. If you look to others for your identity and self-esteem, you’ll have a bumpy journey.
In contrast, the Lord created you and loves you with an everlasting love. You don’t need to protest or demand to get His attention. He will hear your prayers and He promised to never leave you. In Him you can find rest for your soul.