Listen to Me!
Good listeners are rare. I represent the problem well. I’m too quick to share my opinion or to tell a story that I’m reminded of by something said.
That means I miss opportunities to say, “Tell me more.” By not listening, I fail to show I care. That grieves me.
I commit to do better, but after years of trying, I’m not pleased with my record.
However, the Lord has not given up on me. He continues to give me opportunities to learn to listen. Recently, in two days, I was in three different situations where I didn’t have a chance to speak. (Two were one-to-one conversations.) My input wasn’t wanted.
Furthermore, each discussion seemed to go on and on about things that are not really important. I felt trapped and wanted out.
The second time, in the midst of the chat, a quiet inner voice asked, “You aren’t interested in the conversation, but you are interested in the person, aren’t you?”
My attitude changed. The tone of my listening also shifted from, “Tell me more about what happened,” to “How did that affect you?” The conversation took on new energy.
After that, we shared real life, not just a detailed report of the day’s events. I was blessed, and the speaker graciously thanked me for listening.
The third time, I was quicker to see the opportunity to make a comment or ask a question that reflected my interest in the person. Once again, the time together was a blessing.
Each time, the whole conversation centered around the other person, and that was good. In fact, it was an answer to prayer. After all, I had been asking the Lord to help me.
I wish I could report that I’ve been a great listener since, but I can say that God is faithful, and I’m making progress.
Listening, even if it means being attentive to boring details, shows respect. It validates the person speaking—and we all need validation.
Seeking to hear the speaker’s heart and truly understand as you listen, takes it a step further, showing that you care.
The ultimate goal of listening is to offer encouragement and help the person find God in their situation. It strengthens and builds up the listener as well as the speaker.
Richard McAfee, a former pastor and mentor said, “If you talk it out, you don’t have to act it out.” Being someone who listens with a caring heart offers the speaker a safe place to talk it out. It gives them the opportunity and courage to share more openly, and thus to talk through doubts, fears, and hurts that trouble them.
After talking through inner turmoil, the person is able to work through tangled emotions, giving them a greater ability to trust in the Lord. When we trust Him in the situation, we don’t have to act out of our emotions.
When in need of a hearing heart, David once looked all around and could not find a listening friend. He said, “There is no one who acknowledges me; refuge has failed me; no one cares for my soul” (Ps. 142:4).
Many could say with David, “There is no safe place. No one cares what’s going on inside me.” In fact, probably everybody has felt such loneliness at one time or another.
Years ago, I was in deep depression, but I was careful to mask my pain while at work. Part of my depression came from the feeling that no one cared for my soul. One day, as I drove to work, I identified a place where a suicide attempt could look like an accident. It felt tempting.
I knew my life was in God’s hands and that I wouldn’t follow through, but I still mentally rehearsed how I could take my own life.
Within the hour, a friend came through my office. During our short visit, she said, “You’re the happiest person I know.”
That was kind, but she was clueless, leaving me feeling even more alone.
We never know what is going on in someone else’s heart and mind unless they have the opportunity to tell us.
May the Lord help us care for the souls around us—and may we be available and sensitive when a soul is crying, “Help! Listen to me!”