What Did I Do to Deserve This?
Twice lately, I’ve been in conversation with people who asked 
me, “What did I do to deserve this?” They were speaking of difficult, hurtful, and seemingly unfair treatment from others.
I wasn’t part of the happenings and only heard part of one side of the story. I can’t say in either case whether the person deserved such. I don’t know.
In relationships, we sometimes unknowingly say or do things that elicit an unexpected harsh response. In other words, it could be argued that sometimes we “deserve” what is thrown back at us.
Even though I can’t answer in these situations, I do know that the wrong question is being asked. Whether it deals with relationships, or with struggles in life, asking, “What did I do to deserve this?” assumes that bad things happen to bad people. In addition, it assumes that if something bad happens to you, it means that something is wrong with you.
Those are lies, planted by the enemy to discourage and defeat you.
A quick look at people in the Bible will show that bad things happen to good people too, and that bad things happening doesn’t indicate something is wrong with you. In fact, at times it’s an indication that something is right with you.
For instance, Abel was murdered because his sacrifice was pleasing to God leading Cain to become jealous and angry. Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, were sentenced to die because of their faithfulness to God.
King Saul tried to kill David because David was favored by God. Stephen was stoned to death, Paul was beaten and imprisoned. What did they do to deserve such treatment?
Jesus was without sin, yet he died on a cross to carry our guilt. Would anyone say Jesus deserved such treatment?
We can’t prevent bad things from happening. But we can change our question.
Instead of asking, “What did I do to deserve this?” there are two questions we need to ask.
- Like David, we need to pray, “Search me, O God, and know my heart”; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and “see if there be any hurtful way in me” (Ps. 139:23-24). It’s hard in such situations to see our own fault. Consequently, we need for God to help us see what we may have done that might cause offense.
If we contribute anything to a misunderstanding, we need to ask God to help us see it, so we can do our part to make it right. But it doesn’t stop there.
- Psalm 139:24 continues, “And lead me in the everlasting way” It’s difficult in such situations to respond properly. In addition to seeing and dealing with our unrighteousness, we need to ask the Lord how we can respond so it will bring glory to His name.
If we respond from our own understanding, it will likely not be right. We need God’s perspective and His grace in order to act in a way that will be God-honoring.
The right questions lead to a change of focus.
“What did I do to deserve this?” is focused on self. Self is hurting and doesn’t have answers. It will likely lead to fur
ther doubts and pain.
When we look to the Lord, we go to the source of truth and life. From
Him we gain answers, direction, comfort, hope, and healing.
Jesus is our hope and our salvation.
Question: How do you find God’s grace when it seems life—or an acquaintance—is giving you a bum deal?