What Does It Take to Make Happy?
The common room was peaceful. Wheelchairs were gathered about, but most of the residents slept with chins on their chests or heads lolling to the side. The TV prattled on, but no one noticed.
Our focus was on my mother. Apparently oblivious to her surroundings, she sat at the table where she had eaten lunch. She seemed uncomfortable—tilting a bit in her chair, crumbs resting in her lap. Her lips were hidden, safely tucked between her teeth, a habit begun when her partial was removed.
We struggled to have a meaningful visit with a loved one whose world was framed by the present moment, a mother who no longer remembered us. She was more lucid today, but communication was difficult. Then I remembered the question of a friend at church.
“Mother, a friend asked if you’re happy here. Are you happy?”
After her usual pause to process what was said, she answered, “Am I happy? I haven’t considered that.”
She contemplated the question, eyebrows wrinkled, sucking her lips in and out of her mouth as if priming a pump. Finally, she responded in a lifeless voice, “What does it take to make happy?”
I said, “That’s a good question.”
Wow, what does it mean for someone with advanced Alzheimer’s to be happy? After some thought, I said, “I guess happiness means contentment. Are you content?”
We waited so long that I wondered if she remembered the question. I considered repeating it, or changing the subject. Instead, we waited patiently as her lips kept working, in and out, in and out.
Suddenly she broke the long silence.
In a deadpan voice she said, “Yes, I’m content. You could say I have contentment.” Though void of emotion, her words rang true. You could tell she understood. And that she meant it.
I was thrilled that we connected, but her question lingered. What does it take to make happy?
We spend a lot of time and energy pursuing happiness. But, I’d never stopped to ask, “What does it take to make happy?”
Too often, we search for happiness in things dictated by society—possessions, success, prestige, or fun. We pursue happiness in temporal fulfillment of personal desires.
Mother’s question was profound, but a better one might be, “What does God say it takes to make happiness?”
I checked it out. The primary words in the Bible for happy—in Old and New Testaments—are usually translated blessed. It seems that happiness is the same as, or comes from, being blessed.
In other words, genuine happiness comes from God’s hand.
Many verses paint a very different picture from the self-centered happiness that we pursue. For example:
- “Behold, how happy is the man whom God reproves” (Job 5:17).
- “Behold, we count those blessed who endured” (James 5:11).
- “If you are reviled for the name of Christ, you are blessed” (1 Pet 4:14).
It seems that true happiness is closely related to our relationship with God and receiving something through His hands—even if that something seems to us to be unhappy.
Happiness and contentment are closely related. We may seek happiness through personal temporal gain, but, “godliness actually is a means of great gain, when accompanied by contentment” (1 Tim. 6:6).
Today, if Mother could ask, “What does it take to make happy?” my answer might be different.
“He who trusts in the Lord, happy is he” (Prov. 16:20).
“How blessed/happy is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in His ways” (Ps. 128:1).
Thank you, Mother, for teaching me to trust in the Lord and walk in His ways.
Have a happy/blessed Mother’s Day–whether you are a mother or not!
(I’m sorry I don’t have a good picture of my mother to add to this post, but this stock picture reminded me a bit of her. At that time her glasses were always a bit askew or slipping down her nose.)