When Your Defense System Fails
“When you get old, your defense system fails, and your true nature comes out.”
After knowing fine, upstanding models of society who became bitter and mean and suddenly began using foul language in their old age, the thought of my defense system failing and a dark “true nature” coming out is reason for concern.
Chemical changes in the brain apparently cause some elderly people to suddenly change in personality. They act in ways that are totally different than what they had been. There could also be other reason that agreeable people become disagreeable when old.
Nevertheless, the above was recently told me by someone who doesn’t want to become old and bitter like her mother. It’s her observation that “if you don’t deal with unrighteous attitudes while young, they surface when you’re old.”
Similar thoughts have motivated me to take care of my own unrighteousness so I won’t be difficult and crotchety in my final years. I believe there is sometimes truth to my friend’s observations. I even have a theory on why our defense system—i.e. self-control—fails to keep a lid on the negative things inside us.
It takes a lot of energy to hide feelings of bitterness, dislike, distrust and such from those closest to you. In other words, it’s work to put on a gracious front when darkness is lurking in your heart.
As added years take a toll on the mind and the body, there isn’t as much energy available to keep up a charade. Consequently, the defense system isn’t as effective and whatever is in the heart—positive or negative—becomes more visible.
It was just a week ago that I was told, “When you get old, your defense system fails and your true nature comes out.”
I don’t consider myself old yet, but three weeks ago, I experienced a failure in my defense system.
We’ve had several weeks of demanding elder care, a week of health crisis, followed by death and an influx of a large family for the funeral. We were exhausted. Nevertheless, in spite of the drain, I was full of energy the next week as I cleaned, sorted, reorganized, and wrote thank you notes.
Then, on Friday night, six days after the funeral, my defense failed and darkness erupted. I disagreed with, complained, or argued about every topic that came up between Robert and me. He didn’t have a chance.
When I raised my voice over nothing—something totally unimportant— it stopped me short. I finally realized what I was doing.
I apologized, asking Robert’s forgiveness for being so ugly and combative. Then I melted.
I said, “I’m so tired I don’t even know how to get ready for bed.”
Apparently, adrenaline had kept me going, and my supply ran out. Suddenly, I no longer had the energy to maintain my self-defense system.
Ever since I did the research that led to writing the Bible study, Uprooting Anger: Destroying the Monster Within¸ when I’m angered, I check to find the root of my anger. I ask the Lord to search my heart for unrighteousness in me.
This time, the biggest problem was fatigue.
I’m sure unwanted roots were lurking, such as impatience and ungratefulness. However, this time the biggest culprit was exhaustion. I didn’t have needed fuel to keep my defense system running.
Sometimes the cause of conflict is physical more than spiritual. When exhausted, it’s hard to maintain a defense system much less dig up unwanted roots that lead to anger.
These temporary failure of defense systems could be a gift from God. They reveal what is in the heart and give us an opportunity to clean out unrighteousness while we still have the resources to do so. Unless of course we’d rather be the bitter, crotchety old person that is hard to be around.