How to Respond Biblically When Offended – Part 1
Today my blog will answer a question submitted by Chris.
He asked, “What would be practical responses that would be biblical and appropriate when you are offended by others? . . . For instance, if a friend, husband, relative, etc. says something hurtful to you out of the blue, how should a person respond so it’s biblical? Is it ok to let them know that they hurt your feelings in a gentle way?”
The best way to get a biblical response is to start with what the Bible says. I could glean from the scripture and write a blog. However, I believe you’ll gain more directly from God’s Word.
The verses below give us a glimpse into the heart of God about how to respond when someone says hurtful words. Next Tuesday, I will answer the same question with further insights from experience.
- “However you want people to treat you, so treat them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” (Matt. 7:12) (Would you want to be addressed if you were in their shoes?)
- “For he who does wrong will receive the consequences of the wrong which he has done, and that without partiality.” (Col 3:25) (You don’t have to get even for the wrong or hurt. God will take care of it.)
- “[Love] does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,” (1 Cor. 13:5) (If you don’t take into account that you’ve been offended, why do you need to let them know you offended you?)
- “Keep a good conscience so that in the thing in which you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. For it is better, if God should will it so, that you suffer for doing what is right rather than for doing what is wrong” (1 Pet 3:16-17). (Words can hurt, but God’s focus doesn’t seem to be on our pains, but on making sure that we don’t act wrongly. Hurtful words hurt more when there is a bit of truth to them, so we need to examine what we may have done to lead to those offending words. It’s also clearly better to suffer than to respond wrongly.)
- “To sum up, let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing. For, let him who means to love life and see good days refrain his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking guile. And let him turn away from evil and do good; Let him seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:8-11). (Each phrase offers counsel, but to sum up, “let all be harmonious,” “seek peace and pursue it”—even if that means staying quiet. It’s especially important to stay quiet if you feel compelled to speak.)
- “ But even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed. And do not fear their intimidation, and do not be troubled” (1 Pet. 3:14) (We view offense as negative, but God calls it a blessing and says not to fear the offender.)
- 2 Corinthians 6:1-6 offers further insights on how to not receive God’s grace in vain when offended by someone.
For further insight study the lives of Jesus, Stephen, Paul, and David. What did they do when offended? Their lives model how to respond when offended.
Stay tuned. Next week, I will answer the question from experience, but hopefully from biblical understanding as well.
What other verses come to mind as you seek how God would have your respond biblically to an offense?