Self-Pity, Focus, Gratefulness, and Grace
This year Thanksgiving started early for our family. Children and grandchildren descended a week before Thanksgiving. More family arrived on Monday and sixteen of us continued the celebration until Wednesday, when (almost) everybody joined the rest of the Camenisch clan for the annual four-day reunion.
There were a few inconveniences while we were together. Our daughter’s family didn’t make it, and Robert got sick and was isolated much of the time. The visit was also complicated by Robert’s aged father falling one night. That required additional care for him, but everybody adjusted and helped out.
It was Thanksgiving, and we were thankful to be together, and thankful for each other. Inconveniences were taken in stride without complaint and almost without notice.
On Wednesday, the whole crowd left to go the annual Camenisch clan reunion a couple of hours away. It’s the highlight of the year for all of us. Robert’s siblings and their children and grandchildren spend four glorious days together.
Robert and I planned to join them Thursday morning. Brothers volunteered to care for Dad so we could get away.
Only this year I got sick Wednesday night, so I missed the whole reunion. I missed our morning devotions, seeing how the three new babies have grown, getting to know Jessica’s new husband, hearing special prayer requests, and so forth. I missed it all.
I was sad to not be with the family, but I was grateful for the time with my kids the previous week, and that others were together. I was also grateful I could rest, because I felt lousy.
Robert was well enough that he went to the reunion on Friday, but I called him home in the evening because his father fell again. Dad seemed fine except his wrist hurt. To be cautious, I put a temporary splint on it, and he went on to sleep.
Once again, I was grateful things went so smoothly. Grateful, a brother was here to help get him off the floor. Grateful Robert was heading home. Grateful for the Lord’s mercy.
Robert spent much of the next day caring for Dad. Life was more complicated with Dad not able to use his arm to steady himself as he moved about. Everything took much longer than usual. Normal routine was anything but normal, but they finally got out the door to go get an x-ray.
Then I waited, thinking I should be dusting the living room, but not caring if dust covered everything. I felt sick and wanted to go back to bed, but I also wanted to be available to help when they returned.
I started thinking, “I’m tired of being miserable. . . . Tired of caring for someone else. Tired of being on call 24-7. Tired of being tied down, trapped, of not having a life. Tired of (fill in the blank). We need a break. . . . I wonder what’s going on at the reunion today. I can’t believe I’m missing out on all the fun.” And so forth.
I was plumb out of grace and felt I didn’t have anything else to give.
Soon tears of self-pity streaked my face.
That was no good, so I pulled myself together and reached out to a friend. We had only talked a few minutes when Robert and Dad returned, with broken arm in a splint.
I held the door for the wheelchair to pass, helped get Dad settled into a chair, and prepared a mid-afternoon lunch. Someone had stopped by with food to share. It was just left-overs, but I was so grateful I didn’t have to come up with a meal from scratch.
I was grateful for a husband who was attentive to his father’s need. Grateful for Hospice and that through them we had the needed wheelchair on hand.
Then I realized my joy had returned. God’s grace is sufficient. His mercies are new every morning—and He has been so merciful to us in this journey.
I was drowning in self pity, but my pity party only lasted about 30 minutes.
What changed?
Nothing but my focus.
I spiraled down quickly when I thought me. Of what I’m missing, what I want, what I think I need.
Self-pity evaporated when I focused on what I could do to serve others, fill their needs, and make them more comfortable.
When my thoughts turned to things I was grateful for and God’s goodness to us, joy returned.
With joy, came grace. When you’re grateful, even in the midst of trials, God’s grace abounds.
Thankfulness opens our circuits so the Lord’s strength can be made known in our weakness.
“In everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1Th 5:18).
How do you overcome self-pity and find grace?
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