Finding God in a Trial
Lately, my relationship with the Lord has suffered. Busyness distracted and interfered. It was gradual, so I didn’t really notice at first. Then, recently I realized I’m not where I want to be in the most important relationship in my life.
In my desire to walk more closely with the Lord I’ve found myself singing the chorus, “’I Want to Love You, Lord,” much more than I do,’” and “I want to know you more.”
There hasn’t been a dramatic change, but change is happening. I’ve been more aware of the Lord through the day, and I sense He’s answering my prayer.
Then with little warning, I was thrust into what seems to be impossible demands, requiring more than I can possibly fulfill. I was overwhelmed. For the next six months I’ll be stretched beyond my capabilities.
It’s an important job, it totally depends on me, and the sudden weight of it overwhelmed me. I was devastated, and fell apart.
It didn’t take long to see that my fear came from a lack of faith. I began telling myself that I wasn’t alone, God’s always faithful—and has been so in my life, He’ll never leave me, He will guide me. All He asks is that I be faithful and do what I can, and so forth.
In the midst of my pep talks, the woe-is-me attitude kept surfacing. My self-talk wasn’t working. As night approached, I still felt totally inadequate, hopeless, and seriously stressed. I asked the Lord to hold me in His arms and comfort me through the night.
Then, just before I began to prepare for bed, Robert played a CD from the internet, and the voices of Maranatha sang my prayer, “I want to love you, Lord, much more than I do.” The words wrapped around me, encircling me with God’s love.
I wept, embraced by God’s love, and He gently reminded me, “It’s in the stretching times that you know me best and learn to love me more.”
He’s not answering my prayer quite like I imagined, but my heart is reassured. The Lord is answering my prayer. He is with me. He loves me. I’m not alone.
Through the next song, I was reminded that “In His Time,” I’ll see beauty come from this trial. He is sovereign. I don’t have to fear failure, not measuring up, messing up–anything. I can trust God for the outcome.
I’d told myself those things several times throughout the day. But the words of the song went beyond my mind and touched my heart.
I slept soundly that night, wrapped in God’s love.
I’d still rather run from the responsibility, but it’s not so overwhelming now. Since I’ve given the load to God, I’m able to take one day at a time, being faithful to do what I can. I’m even a little excited, expectant to see how it will work out.
And yet, I wonder, why do I want life to always be easy when I know it’s through the trials that I know God’s love and grow in Him?
How have you experienced God’s love and grace in a special way during a trial?
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