One Way to Diffuse Conflict and Also Receive a Blessing
Conflict and strife with someone you love follows you around and weighs you down, even while you’re busy with something else.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
Strife develops when the second person responds to conflict in a argumentative manner. For many of us, it’s automatic to do so, as we try to defend ourselves or we get a little louder to get our point across.
However, strife is avoidable. Peter tells us how to be blessed instead. In 1 Peter 3:9, he tells us not to repay evil for evil or insult for insult, but to bless instead. I know that it’s instinctive to return evil for evil, but the words that follow that directive show why it’s worth the effort to control our tone of voice.
Peter says, “Don’t return evil for evil or insult for insult, but give a blessing instead, for you were called that you might obtain a blessing.” That little three-letter word “for” links the two clauses together, implying that if you bless instead of insulting, you will receive a blessing.
And who doesn’t want to be blessed?
This verse spoke to me when I was in the midst of the most intense relational struggle of my life. I was desperate to end the strife. So, with great effort, I tried it. At the time, I realized that I was actually trying God to see if I would be blessed. I spent hours making a nice gift for someone who, it seemed to me, had evil intent toward me.
When I presented it to him, he was shocked. The icy waters melted a bit in the days that followed, but there was no real breakthrough in the relationship. However, in the giving of the gift, I unconsciously gave the relationship to the Lord along with the worry about how to make things right. A huge burden was lifted, even though I didn’t see an quick turn-around in the relationship.
We often see a blessing immediately as the conflict dissipates, replacing strife with peace. However, if the other person is intent on maintaining conflict or stirring up strife, we may experience the blessing in another way.
Either way, we gain when give a blessing when others mistreat us. Peter continues, “Let him who means to love life and see good days Refrain his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking guile. And let him turn away from evil and do good; Let him seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are upon the righteous, And His ears attend to their prayer, But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil” (1 Pet. 3:10-12).
We don’t have to see changes. If we choose God’s way, we can be sure that His face is not against us. We can also be confident that His eyes are on us and that He hears our prayers.
Shortly after I gave the gift to the individual, we moved to pursue further studies, so we lost contact with the individual I’d given the gift to. But, within the year, we got a card from the family with a generous check and a word of appreciation. There was no apparent reason for them to send us a gift. Except that we were students, with four children, limited income. And we have a heavenly Father who is watching over us, and He knows when the time is right to send a blessing.
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