What to Do When an Important Relationship Turns Sour

posted May 6, 2013

It unsettles me when any relationship is out of kilter. Whether with a family member, a co-worker, boss, or friend, I like for relationships to be on friendly terms, and I do what I can to right them when they’re tense.

In a close relationship, I am really impacted—torn apart is probably more accurate—if there’s conflict. Consequently, I learned to seek the Lord about what I needed to do to make things right.

God’s been faithful to answer through the Word. During the deepest struggle of my life—when it seemed I couldn’t get along with anybody—He spoke to me out of Peter 3:8-11, pointing out the key points below. Maybe they can help you mend broken fences in relationships.

1. Let all be harmonious. If you’re breathing, you’re included in “all.” Even if everybody around you is out of harmony, you need to do what you can to be in harmony with the Lord, and thus with those who offend you.
2. Let all be sympathetic. When you’re most tempted to judge another for their unfair actions and attitudes, you most need to put yourself in their shoes and try to understand from their perspective.
3. Let all be brotherly. Brothers look out for and care for each other. Show you care through caring actions.
4. Kindhearted. Ouch. Not being unkind in action is hard enough. How do you have a kind heart toward someone who’s hurt you? . . . Submit your heart to the Lord. Allow Him to work through you. He can make your heart soft and be kind through you.
5. Humble in spirit. Pride causes you up to defend and promote yourself, your well-being and, and your desires. Only as you submit to God and accept His love for the other person, can you truly follow the above directives from the heart.
6. “Don’t return evil for evil, or insult for insult.” This is the test. The words of your mouth will reveal whether or not your heart is right before the Lord. A returned insult stirs up more strife. A kind word turns away strife.
7. Give a blessing instead. Bless the offending party in prayer first–daily, and whenever you start to fret over the tension. Bless first with words of forgiveness for whatever their offense is—even if it is only that they remain offended or distant.

Then ask the Lord for some way to bless them that will minister to them. It could be quick and simple. It could be something that costs you time and energy. I’ve sent a card of appreciation for one, spent hours on a special cross-stitch for another, and I spent three days cleaning the house of another. In all three cases, the relationship was restored.

1. For you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing. This doesn’t make sense. You “give a blessing instead” because “you were called [to] inherit a blessing.”

But that’s the way the kingdom of God works, isn’t it. You give in order to receive from God. You lose your life in order to gain it. You give your measly efforts in order to experience the abundance of God’s blessings in return—and to have an important relationship restored.

The Lord is faithful. If we can learn to truly give a blessing instead, He will take care of the rest.

*Question: How has the Lord led you to work at restoring strained relationships?**

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