A Fraudulent Foundation Leads to a Crumbling Relationship–But It Can Be Fixed
Three months ago, a couple that I’ll call Carl and Twanna, pursued their dream retirement and moved nearby into a fairly new, beautiful two-story home on some acreage. They settled in, met their neighbors, and were learning about their surroundings.
Then, it happened. Their house began to settle. They can now skate across the kitchen floor without a running start.
Closer inspection revealed problems that hadn’t been reported or discovered. The beams supporting the house are rotting and giving way. Several things contributed to the problem, including a spring that runs under the house. In addition, there isn’t enough space between the ground and the beams to allow sufficient air movement. Consequently, the moisture is trapped and is absorbed by the beams.
The only way to fix the problem is to remove the floor, dig out an adequate crawl space, deal with the encroaching spring, and replace the beams.
Initial estimates for repair—not including much of the needed labor—were over $60,000. Then they discovered roof damage from the settling, leading to black mold in the attic. The estimate has doubled, with questions looming concerning future discoveries.
The house was built without county permits or inspections. It’s looks nice, but was fraudulently built, and is literally crumbling beneath them.
As I prayed for this couple and the decisions facing them, thoughts of their dilemma converged with thoughts of a troubled marriage. Their house is a good analogy for relational problems.
Many relationships, like Carl and Twanna’s house, are built on deception and a fraudulent foundation. They look pretty from the outside, but the sought-after dream is rotting away and threatens collapse because the foundation is faulty.
Like the house built on a spring which undermines its foundation, too often, marriages—and other relationships too—are built on destructive self-centeredness. A couple is drawn together with hopes of getting personal needs and dreams fulfilled. However, they invest more thought, energy, and care in fulfilling their dreams and in appearances than in quality. They plan for the wedding more than for the marriage.
Time isn’t taken to determine God’s desires, much less each other’s needs, interests, and goals. Instead, the focus is on having fun and getting what “I” desire.
After the knot is tied, expectations increase. Meanwhile, the effort invested to maintain the relationship decreases. As each takes, rather than giving for the benefit of the other, there isn’t space in the relationship—i.e. “under the house”—for the other to breathe, grow and develop.
Consequently, misunderstandings, resentments, and bitterness develop like rot that eats away at both individuals as well as the relationships. They work to maintain a good appearance while their foundation crumbles.
Salvaging the union requires pulling up the floor boards and working on foundational issues.
First, change your foundation. Try to please the Lord Jesus Christ with your life instead yourself. Seek and follow the Lord. Love, honor, and obey Him—in your own life and in your relationship.
Second, get rid of the rotten beams. Repent and put away expectations, resentments, and bitterness. Replace them with beams of love, service, and respect.
Third, trust the Lord to guide you, to meet your own needs, and to build a strong foundation to build on in the future.
Like the house, it won’t be a quick fix, and it may seem expensive. However, in a relationship—especially a marriage—the return is worth the investment. And the sooner it’s done, the better. The longer you wait, the greater the damage, and the more difficult to repair.
Just remember, as you seek to get your house in order, the Lord will be with you each step of the way. This is the kind of project that He enjoys. He’s in the business of redeeming.
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