Don’t Women Need Respect?
After writing Deserving of Respect last week, I’ve continued thinking about the meaning of respect, and gained new insights.
Understanding what respect is and how to show it has always seemed a bit allusive to me—probably because I’m female. However, one thing seems clear. God made men such that they need to be respected. It’s in their DNA.
The Lord also took measures to be sure that women understand that the need is real. He told wives to respect their husbands (Eph. 5:33), and tells slaves to respect their masters (1 Pet. 2:18). Furthermore, we’re told to honor all men (1 Pet. 2:17).
My husband, Robert, once told me, “When you’re with me, I can walk through brick walls. But when you’re not, I can hardly get my chin off my chest.” He didn’t use the word respect, but that’s what he was talking about.
When a wife respects her husband, he’s empowered. When she doesn’t, it drains his energy.
If wives could learn how to consistently honor and respect their husbands, it would prevent a lot of misunderstandings and avoid a lot of family strife.
A recently divorced woman shared that she had figured out why her husband left her for another woman. She said she had become accustomed to him being a policeman. It no longer impressed her. Consequently, he was attracted to a gal that saw him as a hero. She respected him and what he did. It seems all men want to be heroes.
All that is fine, but probably not news. It’s an age-old struggle for wives to know how to honor their husbands. However, I gained new insight as I recorded the comments from the inmates about their anger and contemplated how they fit in with the need for respect.
What about Women?
As I listed the things that made the inmates mad each week, nearly every time, I thought, “I’d be upset if someone treated me that way too.” If someone took something from me without asking, if I were bullied, not treated as if I were human, and so forth, I’d likely get mad. Some days, I’d even be perturbed if someone cut in line in the chow hall—especially if it were a regular occurrence—and especially if it were a regular offender.
It seems that I’m no better than the inmates. I also realized that if respect is at the foundation of the problem, it seems that I need respect too. And I’m a female.
But God told men to love their wives, not respect them. And He said it in the same breath that He told women to respect their husbands (Eph 5:33). Are women not to be respected?
In 1 Peter 2:17, God told us to honor (esteem) everyone, so it’s not just the men that need it, but what does it all mean for us today? And does it fit in with love?
The Definition of Respect
I checked the English dictionary to find the definition of respect. In the Random House Webster’s Dictionary, the most appropriate definitions are “proper acceptance or courtesy” and “a condition of being esteemed or honored.”
Men and Women, Male and Female
Like men, for a woman, proper acceptance and courtesy include being valued as a person so her feelings and opinions are considered. However, for females, the expression of “proper acceptance or courtesy” needed is different than that for men. A woman feels esteemed and honored when she is cherished and secure. When she doesn’t receive these things, she is drained of motivation. Like her male counterpart, she can hardly get her chin off her chest.
In contrast, a man feels respected when a woman allows him to provide and protect. He feels like a man when his opinion and wisdom are trusted and appreciated enough that he is allowed to lead without constantly being challenged and opposed.
Interesting how the two mesh, isn’t it? Sounds like a God-thing.
One Attitude with Two Expressions?
I’ve always thought of love and respect as different concepts. However, I believe they come from the same core attitude, they are just expressed differently. After all, if we love our neighbors (spouses) as ourselves, won’t we show them proper acceptance, courtesy, esteem and honor? The key is showing it in such a way that it is proper to the gender as well as to the occasion.
Maybe seeing the love women need and the respect men need are kin—with the same core values of acceptance, courtesy, and esteem—will help me show respect. Not because I’m trying to be respectful—or loving, for that matter—but because I value and esteem my husband and want to meet his needs so he can be all God meant for him to be.
What do you think? I’m still developing my thought and would love to your input to broaden my understanding. Am I stretching things, or do love and respect have the same essential motivational core, but have different expressions?
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