Deserving of Respect
Weekly reports from men about times that they get angry are quite revealing. This past week, I recorded comments from inmates about what made them angry and how they responded. It is part of a program evaluation of Uprooting Anger. Groups of inmates are studying the course to complete an evidence-based evaluation to document how effective the program is in helping them overcome anger. As part of the study, the inmates fill out weekly accountability forms where they describe anger events that they had during the week.
People cutting in line at chow hall was listed by several different men. “Being locked up,” “doing time,” and “not being treated like a human being” were also a common theme. Several mentioned the filthy, vulgar talk of those around them. Some mentioned bullies who took things without asking, beat up a friend, or tried to force their way to get what they wanted.
In the different situations, their anger may have been triggered from guilt from past sins, bitterness, unforgiveness, unrealistic expectations, pride, or a myriad of things. However, as I worked through page after page of these weekly accountability reports, I realized in addition to these possible triggers, there was a common theme among most of the incidents.
Most of them involved respect or honor. The majority of the reported incidents were times when the men felt they were treated as if they did not have worth as a person. They didn’t feel proper courtesy or acceptance from those around them. Consequently, they became angry.
Being bullied, having people break in line, or being involuntarily subjected to vulgar talk all have a demeaning effect.
One inmate was angry at the warden. He even said he hated him. The weekly questionnaire has a follow up question, “What would a biblical (Christ-like) response be?”
The inmate answered, “I need to realize he was created by God too, and I need to forgive him.”
It is profound that he recognized that the target of his anger deserved forgiveness—i.e. had worth—because he was created by God.
In a later post, I’ll deal with the whole issue of how important it is to a man to feel respected. For now, I’d like to ask a question. Who do you know that was not created by God?
Even the people who irritate us the most were created by God, have worth, and have a basic need to feel respected as people with value. In our irritated reaction to them, how much do we disregard them—rather than show respect, acknowledging their worth.
If they don’t feel respected, it will probably lead to anger—and more annoying behavior.
It brings the responsibility back to me to realize that I can be an instrument of peace in the family, church, job, or community simply by treating all people around me as fellow humans, deserving of respect. As I show respect for them as people of value, it will give grace, and help them be more agreeable to live with.
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