A Lesson from Mom: 4 Keys for Building Friendship
I was blessed with parents who loved me enough to discipline me when I needed it, and who were good role models for how to live and relate to others. They were loved, appreciated, and honored by the world because they were a blessing to others that knew them.
My 98-year-old Mother died this week, and I’ve realized how truly blessed I was to grow up with her as my mother. Many people long for friends and don’t know how to make connections. I was privileged to watch the magic in action through her.
I learned some practical things from Mother about making friends. I hope some day to model them as well and as authentically as she did. In the meantime, I thought I’d pass a few pointers along. If you’re looking for friends, these steps may be helpful.
1. Care
Mother enjoyed meeting new people, and she cared about everybody she met. All new acquaintances seemed to offer an adventure in discovery as she drew strangers out to get to know them. Instead of talking about herself, she sought to learn about the other person. She cared.
If she saw a friend, she asked about them and how their family was doing. She remembered their concerns. When we are concerned about ourselves and what others think about us, it hinders our ability to connect with them.
2. Listen
Everybody has a story. Mother genuinely wanted to know the other person’s story. She wasn’t quick to tell her tale or give answers. Instead, she asked questions to learn more. It seemed she inevitably discovered that she and her new acquaintance knew somebody in common or were from the same town that a co-worker or cousin was from. She remembered those connections and valued the relationship more because of them.
3. Reach out
Mother was especially loved because she reached out to others. When we would visit in earlier years, she’d often say, “I haven’t heard from __ in several days. I wonder how they are doing.” She’d then make time to call and check on them. She’d talk just long enough to check up on her friend—and for that other person to know that someone cared about him or her.
In later years, when Mother and Daddy moved to a retirement center, she kept active by walking all over the complex to check on people and see how they were doing. Occasionally she’d take a small gift, but most of the time, she only shared a few minutes, a smile, and an encouraging word. But that was all that was needed to win the hearts of the caregivers as well as the one being visited.
4. Serve
Mother was also quick to help others. Serving her family was just the beginning. She helped in church and in her neighborhood. One year she and Daddy received the Volunteer of the Year award from Hospice. However, where her service stood out to me was when I saw her in action at the retirement center.
Mother was attentive to the needs of others. She helped by putting walkers out of the way or helping move a wheelchair into position. She also went early to Sunday School to arrange chairs, set out hymn books, and help gather people from down the hall in their wheel chairs. She served cheerfully, whatever the need. I coined the nickname “Miss Sunshine” after seeing her in action and observing the responses.
Because she expressed love and caring, Mother was loved by everybody that knew her. However, she didn’t do these things to be loved or to gain friends. There were no hidden expectations or strings attached. She did them because she loved others.
There is a saying going around on social media, “If you want to be loved, love and be loving.” That’s true, but it probably won’t work if you have a hidden agenda of trying to get people to love you.
On the other hand, if you genuinely love those around you and you show them love through caring, listening, reaching out, and serving, you can bet you’ll have friends that truly care for you. And they’ll miss you when you’re gone.
Like I’ll miss my mother. Thank you, Mother, for your life-laid-down, for your love, and for your example.
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