4 Steps to Inner Peace after an Angry Outburst—Part 1
4 Steps to Inner Peace after an Angry Outburst – Part 1
You’ve done it again. Something hit you the wrong way and you blew your top. You said things you wish you could take back. Your emotions flip between hurt, anger, guilt, and regret until they all tangle together. Storm clouds linger. Is there hope for peaceful coexistence?
Yes, there is hope. It starts with finding inner peace yourself. Once you find peace, it’s much easier to reestablish the relationship with the other person. With four simple steps, peace can be yours.
1. Realize it isn’t always important to win a disagreement.
Whether the conflict is with a spouse, a neighbor, or boss, a week from now, how important will it be to have gotten your way in the issue? What about in a year? Ten years? In most instances, it won’t matter tomorrow, much less in ten years. Most of the time, the relationship is more important than the issue at hand.
A healthy relationship with a family member is important. While the boss may not seem valued as a friend, it’s nice to have a paycheck. Likewise, you can live without being best friends with a neighbor, but life is more pleasant when those close to you are friends—and it could be life-saving in a time of need. Most of the time, the relationship is more important.
Anger over trivial matters can destroy relationships that are ultimately important.
2. Identify the thing within you that caused you to react in anger.
Were you afraid? Hurt? Did you feel you were losing control? Not respected? Jealous? Guilty? Selfish? Trapped?
Many times, we overreact emotionally to a present situation because of a previous trauma. For instance, someone’s innocent words today can make me feel put down or disrespected because a bully taunted me in the third grade.
Recognizing emotional baggage helps diffuse it. Once you identify the emotion, you’ll often realize that you over-reacted in the current event. Even if the present circumstance is a valid personal attack, understanding yourself helps you move from being an overcharged emotional bundle to being able to reason more clearly.
3. Take personal responsibility.
Everybody has faults. However, when we’re angered, we focus on the other person’s faults, not our own. Recognizing your own fault in a conflict will move you toward peace.
Be honest with yourself. What did you do that could have triggered the other person? Did you have unspoken expectations? Did you listen to the other person and treat him/her with respect? Were you sensitive to his/her needs, or did you think only of yourself? Did you say or do things that were hurtful or controlling? Maybe you tried to control him/her. Admit to yourself if you contributed to the conflict.
Accepting personal responsibility will free you to understand the issues more clearly, freeing you to move on, and prepare you to be a peacemaker.
4. Forgive the other person for their offense.
In forgiving, you are saying that you will not hold their offense against them and make them suffer for what they’ve done. Forgiveness does not indicate that they are right in what they did or said. Neither does it release them from consequences that might follow. As you forgive, you are laying down the right to get even or make them hurt. You release them to God for Him to determine the proper retribution and the timing for it.
Choosing not to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick
or die. It leads to bitterness, which simmers, leading to future anger and conflict.
When you forgive, you get rid of the poison. It releases you to move on. The only way to
find true peace is to forgive.
Watch for Part 2: 4 Steps to Mend Broken Relationships
You can leave a comment by clicking here.