How to Communicate Caring and Love
It’s said that the strength of a relationship is determined by the quality of the communication in that association. People go on to explain that it’s important for both—or all—of the people in the relationship to be willing to share their opinions or feelings, and important that each be given the opportunity to share.
However, there is a second aspect of communication that is often overlooked. In order to have a strong relationship, to heal damaged ones, or to prevent conflict, this aspect is even more important than everybody voicing their opinions or feelings.
The forgotten component of communication is listening. God tells us to be “quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger” (Jas. 1:19). We emphasize having a willingness to speak, but God puts the emphasis on hearing. Indeed, the Word links being quick to speak with anger.
He tells us to be quick to hear. While it may be important for everyone to be willing to speak, I wonder if we need to reconsider our emphasis on the importance of talking, and learn instead to listen.
When in conversation—particularly in times of tension—we tend to shut out what the other person is saying because we’re busy building our own defense or looking for an opportunity to tell our tale. In other words, we focus on ourselves and what we need and want in the interchange. Consequently, as we hear the other person’s words, we are formulating our reply.
Listening is more than giving the other person time to finish their paragraph. It is also different than being able to repeat the words the other people say.
When you truly listen, you hear deeper than the spoken words. You give full attention to the other person. Note, I said to the person—not just his words. Not just the facts. As you listen, give attention to his mannerisms, and what is behind them. Listen for the emotions behind the words and for what the heart is saying.
If the emotions you observe shock you in their intensity, listen harder to try to hear what stirred up such intensity. When you truly listen to the other person, you try to get in his or her shoes and see from his or her perspective.
There is not full communication when one person won’t talk. However, when nobody listens, there is no real communication at all.
We know too well what it feels like when nobody listens to us—but do we know how to be a listener that truly hears the person? When I know I’m heard, I no longer need to push my point or defend myself. In fact, if I know I’m heard, I feel cared for and loved.
I want to be someone that helps others feel the same. Rather than thinking of the right words to say, the best way to communicate “I care” may be to listen.
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