It Matters What You Look At
Charles Majors is finally overcoming his anger. He discovered something that is setting him free.
He shared his discovery with me, and I thought I’d pass it on. He said, “If I am not always focused on myself then I do not find myself getting angry as often.”
We pay attention to the things that mean the most to us. It should not surprise us that we get angry more when we’re focused on ourselves. After all, in Colossians 3:14, we’re told that love “is the perfect bond of unity.”
In contrast to a self-centered focus, godly love considers the other person’s needs before our own. If we really want peace and unity rather than the anger which destroys it, love is the path to choose.
Once again, that seems obvious. After all, God is love, and His kingdom is righteousness (right relationships), peace, and joy. If we want righteousness, peace, and joy in our lives, love which is focused on other people is confirmed as the answer.
Furthermore, the most often-repeated commands in the Bible are for us to love God and to love our neighbor as ourselves. If we walk in obedience to God—in other words, if we walk in righteousness—love for God and others—not self—will be central in our lives.
When we focus on ourselves, we tend to get angry when Self doesn’t get what it wants. In contrast, if we love the Lord and delight in serving Him, or if we love those around us and desire what’s best for them, we are not angry nearly as often.
Anger grows from self interest and self focus, from putting myself above those around me.
Charles shared his discovery in a letter thanking me for writing Uprooting Anger. In it, he went on to say, “I have…tried to not put myself on the throne because if I’m not focusing on myself, then I really don’t have that much to be angry about.”
Charles’ words caught my attention because I’ve found the same to be true in my life. I’ve noticed that when tension develops in my relationships, I’m usually focused on myself and my desires. Consequently, I’m tempted to blame somebody else for my problem. But if I stop and get honest with myself, the problem is usually in me.
Like Charles, when I consider the other person, I don’t have much to be angry about.
What about you? Does it help you avoid anger when you choose to change your focus to the other person instead of thinking about yourself?
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