5 Key Steps Toward Conflict Resolution
Conflict is often complicated. Tension lingers, building in intensity, threatening to destroy important relationships.
What’s the secret for conflict resolution when tensions continue to build?
Often, conflict remains because focus remains on the conflict. We nurture the hurt, the wrong, or the disagreement in our effort to justify ourselves and our position. We rewind through the issues, trying to find resolution, but that just reinforces the conflict.
But sometimes, it’s hard to stop the rewind.
Five simple steps can prepare us to move toward resolution and reconciliation.
- Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness.
Give the conflict to God. Leave it in His hands, and seek His face. Read the Word, open your heart to the Lord—write your thoughts to Him to help clarify them—and listen for Him to speak to you. Seek His face and His grace to move forward.
- Take the log out of your own eye.
It’s much easier for us to see the wrongs in other people’s lives. Ask the Lord to show you any unrighteousness in your heart and life. Would you be embarrassed if Jesus had stood beside you and witnessed any of your actions or heard your words that led up to the conflict? Are your thoughts and attitudes pleasing to God? Don’t trust your own judgment, ask the One who knows your heart.
- Confess and ask God’s forgiveness for any unrighteousness that He shows you.
The Lord is quick to forgive, but He waits for us ask. If we hold onto unrighteousness it will block our ability to receive the Lord’s grace—for ourselves and for conflict resolution.
- Forgive the other person (people).
Release them into the Lord’s hands for Him to deal with. If you don’t forgive others, “then your Father will not forgive your transgressions (Mt. 6:14-15). Tensions may not dissolve just because you forgive, but you will gain peace and will open yourself to receive God’s grace
- Bless the person (people) you are in conflict with.
As you bless them, you will be blessed. “To sum up, let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing” (1 Peter 3:8-9). Love your neighbor as yourself. Ask God to show you how to express His love to them.
True reconciliation is two-sided. These steps don’t guarantee resolutions, but if you follow them in submission to God, they will keep you from being a stumbling block in what the Lord wants to do. He can be glorified through you, even if the other person is not willing to reconcile.
If the hurt is deep, some of these steps may not be easy, but God never said it would be easy to follow Christ and the things He asks of you. But you will be blessed if you do follow Him. Strength and virtue will be added to you.
On the other hand, conflict drains strength and virtue.
Seek virtue. Seek Jesus Christ and His righteousness. Grace and peace will follow.
What helps you resolve conflict (or at least find grace and peace) when the conflict lingers?
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