What Does It Mean to Forgive?
Forgive him? After what he did to me? No way.
Sometimes, the pain is so deep that it’s hard to forgive. You want to get even. To seek revenge.
But God tells us to forgive.
Furthermore, when we pray, “Forgive us out debts as we forgive our debtors” (Mt.6:12), we’re saying, “God, if I don’t forgive others, you don’t have to forgive me.”
Just three verses later, Jesus said, “If you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions” (v. 15) Maybe we need to repeat that verse along with the Lord’s Prayer, so we’ll remember how important forgiveness is.
Our God is a forgiving God. While we were still sinners, He shed His blood so our forgiveness could be complete. It is complete, but it’s conditional. If we don’t forgive others, our “Father will not forgive” us.
Forgiving is a must if we want to move on with God and have good relationships with those around us. But sometimes, it’s difficult to forgive.
When it’s hard, we need to understand several things:
- Forgiving someone does not imply that what they did is not wrong, or even that it’s ok.
- Forgiving someone does mean that you release them into God’s hands, and you will no longer hold the wrong against them.
- Forgiving does not mean you release the person from all consequences for their actions. It means you release them into God’s hands for the punishment they deserve. Sometimes, you also release them into the hands of earthly authorities to mete out the consequences. (As a parent, you are a representative of God’s authority in your child’s life. You can forgive and still render appropriate punishment for a wrong.)
- Forgiveness does mean putting the offense behind you. When God forgives, He puts our sins away as far as the east is from the West. If we truly forgive, we do the same. We don’t bring it back up to the person when we are offended at a later date.
- Forgivenenss does not mean you forget the offense. You need to remember the lessons you learned, but you no longer feel the hurt or desire revenge.
- When you choose not to forgive, it hurts you more than it hurts the one who offended you. It blocks you from receiving God’s forgiveness for your sin. It keeps the pain
alive, allowing the raw wound to continue causing pain. It also leads to bitterness and eventually affects all your relationships. - Your unforgiveness could hinder God from bringing punishment on the one who wronged you. When you forgive, you get out of the way so He can exact the punishment that is right.
If you’re having a hard time forgiving someone, I recommend the book I Should Forgive, But… by Dr. Chuck Lynch.
Holding unforgiveness brings destruction to yourself and to your relationships. It’s like holding dynamite. Forgive, and let it go so you can experience life and peace instead of continued pain.
Have you struggled to forgive? What have you found that helps?
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