Why Are You Angry?
Why are you angry? Are you frustrated with traffic? Is it because of hurtful words? Did somebody do you wrong? Or is it that everything is out of control and going wrong? We tend to point to such things as the reason we are angry.
But those things aren’t the cause. They are triggers.
Anger is our response to the trigger. We like to blame an outside source, but most of the time, we get angry because we’re hurt, frustrated, threatened, afraid, or feel thwarted, slighted, out-of-control, and so on. Those are internal emotions.
Anger comes from within.
We can’t change what the people around us say or do. Most external matters are beyond our control.
But we can change our internal responses to our external situation.
Most of the time, we don’t choose to be frustrated, stressed, hurt, or afraid. They are natural responses.
However, if those feelings start building, we can address them. If anger rises, we need to look for the emotions that led to anger. If we quickly deal with the underlying emotion, we can prevent anger.
Let’s look at a few things that lead to anger and consider ways to address them.
- Fear. Identify what you are afraid of and ask yourself, “Is this too big for God to handle?” “Am I willing to trust God with it?”
- Hurt. Forgiveness is the key, but sometimes that’s hard to do. Answering some questions might help. Was the hurt intentional? Can the offense be “fixed”? Will it matter a year from now? Is it really worth ruining my day? The relationship? My peace and joy? Jesus forgave those who crucified Him, is my offense worse than His?
- Frustration. Most frustration comes because things aren’t going like you expected or hoped. If you take a deep breath and welcome the opportunity to learn patience and perseverance (or whatever the issue is), you’ll find much more grace for the situation at hand. Instead of stewing, be grateful for the opportunity to grow in character.
- Out of control (from traffic, kids disobeying, impossible spouse, etc.). Ask yourself why you think the other person should think and act like you. Are your expectations reasonable? Expecting things to always go your way is self-centered and self serving. Do you really need to be in control—or can you trust God with the outcome if you aren’t?
Most of our anger rises out of a me-centered outlook on life. However, if you turn your focus on God and His sovereignty, goodness, faithfulness, great love for you, power to intervene when He believes it’s best, and the list goes on and on . . .. If you turn your focus to God and His sovereignty over all of life, negative emotions will be replaced by hope, trust, and peace. There won’t be room for anger.
The next time anger rises, before you say the harsh word, stop and ask yourself, “Why am I angry?”
It could save a lot of grief.