“It takes a pot to call a kettle black.” As a child, I puzzled through it to understand that a pot calls a kettle black because he’s quick to see the black, because he is also black.

The color could just as well be yellow, blue, red, or purple, because it isn’t talking about color. It refers to a characteristic held by the pot and kettle. Iron pots and kettles are black. They could have just as well used something else as a characteristic, but the first thing you see is black, so that communicates.

In human terms, you might say it takes a self-centered person to label someone else as self-centered. It takes a cheat to spot a cheat, and a liar to accuse someone else of being a liar.

While it’s true that some people’s weakness is so evident, it can be seen by all, it seems there is some truth to the notion that the person who is vocal about a fault in another, often has the same weakness.

Personally, I’ve found that when I get ticked off at someone for not being grateful (for instance) when I step back and think about it, I realize I’ve been ungrateful too. Or insensitive. Or self-centered. Or . . .. Seeing this tendency makes me think it may be common to others.

Furthermore, God warned us to take the log out of our own eye before we try to take the splinter out of someone else’s (Luke 6:41-42). I’d say that’s further indication that there’s truth to the notion that “it takes a pot to call a kettle black.”

In this season of increasing political attacks and mounting racial tensions, it seems we have pots and kettles to spare, and I’m tired of the tit-for-tat and name-calling. I’m also weary of the division it’s causing in our nation.

I’m aware that the purpose is to gain advantage by tearing the other side down. It is also a way to divert attention away from personal weakness. However, I wonder if it does more harm to the speaker than to the target.

It also reminds me of insights I gained when I was in the middle of a conflict and God got my attention through His Word.

Name-calling is an attempt to over-power someone with words. It tarnishes the reputation of the speaker as well as the target, but it also spreads much further than that. It poisons the minds of all who hear it.

It doesn’t matter whether it’s politicians vying for advantage, people ranting about a particular ideology, individuals responding to social media posts, or tensions expressed on the job or in the home, name-calling is destructive. It creates enemies and tears down individuals, relationship, and even cultures.

It needs to stop, but once caught up in it, it’s not that simple.

When you’re targeted, it’s tempting to push back, to hurt “them” just as badly—or maybe worse. But that’s the fleshly response, and it fuels the fire.

Instead, we need to pour water on the fire. And God tells us how.

He said, “Let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead” (1 Pet. 3:8-9a).

Instead of seeking to dominate, we need to show brotherly love. We do that through words that are harmonious, sympathetic, kind, and humble. That’s hard when we feel the need to defend ourselves and hold our ground.

Our natural reaction is to fight back, but with God as our shield, protector, and defender, we don’t need to counter attack. We can trust the Lord with our defense.

We don’t need to call the “kettle” anything, we can give a blessing instead.

The end of the verse offers hope and motivation to help us choose to press through our inclination to attack back. After telling us to give a blessing instead, Peter adds, “For you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing” (1 Pet. 3:9b).

God wants to bless us. Indeed, He called us so we could inherit a blessing. Furthermore, He knows getting caught up in tit-for-tat robs us of our blessing, so He gives instruction to help us escape the trap.

We get to choose. To help us make the life-giving choice, He had Peter emphasize the directive a bit more clearly in the following verses that offer more direction and hope.

For, “Let him who means to love life and see good days Refrain his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking guile. And let him turn away from evil and do good; Let him seek peace and pursue it.

^“For the eyes of the Lord are upon the righteous, And His ears attend to their prayer, But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.

“And who is there to harm you if you prove zealous for what is good?” (1 Pet. 3:10-13).

When tempted to strike back, to keep up the tit-for-tat and call the kettle black, ask yourself if you’d rather flex your muscle or receive a blessing from God.