Robert & Kay Camenisch encouraging and equipping relationships

How to Choose Your Battles

I began my study with anger thinking I didn’t have a problem with it. I knew I got angry occasionally, but didn’t realize how often or how destructive my ager was. However, when I did a study to help others, I realized that I had a big problem with anger. I had just rationalized it because most of the time it was expressed quietly rather than exploding.

Another thing I learned was that most of the times that I got angry, I thought I was irritated or frustrated—and I was–but those around me experienced anger from me. I discovered that calling anger by a more acceptable name doesn’t make it less destructive.

Looking a little deeper, I realized that much of my anger (frustration, irritation?) was over minor issues that didn’t matter at all. I got irritated over things that weren’t going my way, like having my favorite food ruined by a spice I didn’t like, or having to stop to explain something when I’m ready to run out the door, or a child tracking on the floor, and so forth. Little things.

They are little things that impact my preference or agenda. Maybe they disturb my comfort or sense of well-being—but for how long?

I saw that much of my anger stemmed from my focus on me. I see the world from my eyes, my life, my past, my desires and If I’m not careful, I expect things to go my way. When they don’t, I tend to react.

It’s pointless to waste energy and strain relationships on little things. I needed to choose my battles.

God used James to help me adjust my perspective.

In James 4:14, we’re told that we are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. If I’m just a vapor, how important are those irritations that bother me today and then vanish like a vapor? Are they worth a reaction that can lead to conflict?

Some things matter for eternity. They are worth taking a stand for—but even in important matters, anger is generally not the best approach to get positive results.

Most things that tempt me to anger are just a vapor in my day, much less my life. They aren’t worth the energy spent on anger, much less the tension and conflict that is a likely result.

When angered, it helps me choose my battles if I stop and ask if those irritants matter. If I remember that I am just a vapor, most irritants become insignificant, and the temptation to anger vanishes like a vapor.